Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: So What the Heck Do I Do Now? (End)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by T. Harv Eker’s Secret of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth (2005) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“If you want to change the fruits, you will first have to change the roots.
If you want to change the visible, you must first change the invisible.”

(Harv T. Eker)

An old saying, “What you hear, you forget; what you see, you remember; what you do, you understand.” As you read Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, do you remember Eker’s motto? Exactly, action always beats inaction! That’s why I suggest that you get started. Take the ONE Wealth File that you liked and/or needed the most and read it again and follow the action plans. Think of what you could do RIGHT NOW that would bring you closer to how rich people think and act. That’s the first step. It’s your actions that count!

Now, reading is a start, of course, but if you want to succeed in the real world, it’s going to be your actions that count. Reading is an action as well, and reading great literature is a HUGE step in the right direction. Still, it is very important to integrate what you’ve learned into your life. Otherwise, it doesn’t help you grow. Getting rich said Eker throughout this book, takes focus, courage, knowledge, expertise, 100% of your effort, a never-give-up attitude, and of course, a rich mindset. So work on yourself. Work on your thinking. Work on your mind. Work on who you are. And if you choose to be rich, or better – if you commit to being rich – then it helps to know that the most important ingredient to self-made millionaires’ success is the MILLIONAIRE MIND!

I Have A Millionaire Mind!

Secret of the Millionaire Mind: Wealth File #16 Rich People Act In Spite of Fear

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by T. Harv Eker’s Secret of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth (2005) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

Wealth File #16:

Rich People Act In Spite of Fear.

Poor People* Let Fear Stop Them.

“Action is the ‘bridge’ between the inner world and the outer world,” writes Harv Eker. Because we are the creatures of habit, we need to practice acting in spite of fear, in spite of doubt, in spite of worry, in spite of uncertainty, in spite of inconvenience, in spite of discomfort, and even to practice acting when we’re not in the mood to act (“It is not necessary to try to get rid of fear in order to succeed”). “If you are willing to do only what’s easy, life will be hard,” explained Eker, “But if you are willing to do what’s hard, life will be easy.” Wow! Take action is the cue! All we’ve learned so far – all the wealth files – is useless if we don’t act. It’s simple as that. If you understand that managing money is crazy important for you but you don’t do it, then what does it help you? Nothing… N.O.T.A.D.A.M.N.T.H.I.N.G.!

It’s easy. Let’s assume that most people know that eating healthy and exercising regularly are important for their health. Then why are health issues bigger than ever before? Because people do not act in accordance with what they think or know is the right thing to do. I don’t say it’s easy to act that way, but it is necessary… at least if you want to be healthy or in this book case, be rich. I have to admit, action can be difficult. Maybe you’re scared, maybe you feel not talented enough, maybe you feel uncomfortable or maybe you are just lazy. But what if sometimes we need to be scared, uncomfortable and make an effort? Well, that’s at least what rich people do said Eker. They act in spite of fear or discomfort. “The only time when you are actually growing,” Eker reasons, “is when you are uncomfortable.” If you are willing to act in seemingly tough circumstances, then you are going to succeed. Life will be easier. If you don’t act, you just stay where you are… or you will even go backwards. For you own sake, take the actions that are necessary for your growth!

Poor people are not willing to be uncomfortable. Being comfortable may make you feel warm, fuzzy, and secure, but it doesn’t allow you to grow. They only time you can actually grow is when you are “outside of your comfort zone.” The minute you get comfortable, you have stopped growing. So, the only way you can grow is when you’re outside your comfort zone. Ask yourself: When was the last time you were outside your comfort zone? I’m sure that was uncomfortable at the moment, but it felt great afterwards. Well, that’s growth! And that’s what you should do every day. Keep living at the edge. Keep living where we don’t feel completely safe and comfy. That’s where we grow!

I say it again: Fear and discomfort should not stop you! Fear most often is based on some (often out of one’s mind) idea of our mind. “You mind is the greatest soap-opera scriptwriter in history.” We, however, have the power to control it and even when our mind goes nut we still have the power to think more rationally and see that often our mind is silly. Eker puts it this way, “Training and managing your own mind is the most important skill you could ever own, in terms of both happiness and success.” Harv suggests starting by observing your mind. What do you think? I mean, literally, what do you think right now? When you do that, you observe your thoughts. When you consciously do that, you can decide whether you want to follow a thought or just let it go and wait for another one. When there is a thought of fear, just let it go. When there is an empowering thought, let it come. “Choose to entertain only empowering thoughts while refusing to focus on disempowering ones,” says Eker. Keep this in mind:

Your thoughts do not run you, you run your thoughts.

So, act in spite of fear and in spite of discomfort.

That’s a necessity for all you want in life…

I Have A Millionaire Mind!

[*I need to note that the Harv Eker makes it clear in this book that he does not mean to degrade poor people. He does not think that rich people are better than poor or middle-class people. They’re just richer.]

Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Wealth File #5 Rich People Focus on Opportunities, Poor People Focus on Obstacles

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by T. Harv Eker’s Secret of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth (2005) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

Wealth File #5:

Rich People Focus on Opportunities.

Poor* People Focus on Obstacles.

Poor people’s primary mindset is “What if it doesn’t work?” or more often, “It won’t work.” Rich people, on the other hand, take responsibility for the results in their lives and act upon the mindset, “It will work because I’ll make it work.” Rich people expect to succeed. These are completely opposite mind-sets. Poor people see obstacles while rich people see opportunities. Poor people focus on the risks while rich people focus on the rewards. No risks, no rewards. Harv Eker states that as soon as there is an opportunity, rich people gather as much knowledge as quickly as possible to make their decision. They go for it or not. Poor people claim to be preparing but what they’re usually doing is stalling. They’re scared and wait until the opportunity has gone along the way.

“The idea is to get in the game with whatever you’ve got, from wherever you are. I call this entering the corridor,” says Eker. The point is that no luck – or anything else worthwhile – will come your way unless you take some form of action. “I call this being an ACTION-TAKER.” The author advises us to enter the corridor and then correct along the way. So, act and enter the corridor before you feel perfectly prepared. You will never be perfectly prepared, never! Entering the corridor means getting into a business, learning about a business, not from the outside (Yes, I will have my first small business with my partner next year! Yea!). So, if you want to become a hotelier, for example, it is wise to visit a hotel first. And also, work in a hotel first. Get to know how a hotel works from the inside. From the outside, you don’t see a thing…

If you really want to learn a business, get into it, says Eker, “You don’t have to own the darn thing from day one.” If you remember Harv Eker’s motto: Action always beats inaction. And don’t be the poor person who is still preparing, planning, analyzing and waiting… If you’re always “preparing” and “getting ready,” it’s like you’re waiting for someone else to take the chance. Don’t wait and see but act and see. You can still do some corrections along the way, it doesn’t need to be perfect from day one. If you’re like me, a guy, you’ve probably been in a situation like this (if you’re a lady, imagine): You’re out with your friends and there is a girl you like in the same bar. You wait and wonder what you’re going to say to her – you’re preparing (but you’re also stalling because you’re afraid of rejection or whatever). Suddenly, Bang! There’s another guy with her. You’ve just missed the damn chance! That guy is not better than you, he just took action. That’s the difference! You've outwaited the opportunity.

So, from now on – TAKE ACTION. Get in the corridor when there’s an opportunity. Action always beats inaction. Don’t wait for the opportunity to pass. Place your hand on your heart and say, “I focus on opportunities over obstacles,” “I get ready, I fire, I aim!”

[*I need to note that the Harv Eker makes it clear in this book that he does not mean to degrade poor people. He does not think that rich people are better than poor or middle-class people. They’re just richer.]

I Have A Millionaire Mind!

Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Wealth File #4 Rich People Think Big, Poor People Think Small (Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by T. Harv Eker’s Secret of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth (2005) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

Wealth File #4:

Rich People Think Big.

Poor* People Think Small.

“The Law of Income: You will be paid in direct proportion to the value you deliver according to the marketplace,” said Harv Eker, “The key word is value. It’s important to know that four factors determine your value in the marketplace: supply, demand, quality, and quantity.” This makes sense. The more you offer, the more you get paid. This is a fair law. You offer a higher value and get paid more than someone who offers a lower value. Who do you think should be paid more, a good lawyer or a bad lawyer? A good footballer or a bad footballer? A good actor or a poor actor? The answers are obvious…

I’m not going to explain the concept of supply and demand here, as it’s not what the book is about. The major struggle people have with offering more value is the quantity. The quantity factor simply means how much of your value do you actually deliver to the marketplace? Most people play small because #1 They are scared of failure, and #2 They feel small and unworthy. “But hear this,” Eker emphasized, “Your life is not just about you. It’s also about contributing to others. It’s about living true to your mission and reason for being here on this earth at this time. It’s about adding your piece of the puzzle to the world. Most people have stuck in their egos that everything revolves around me, me, and more me. But if you want to be rich in the truest sense of the word, it can’t be about you. It has to include adding value to other people’s lives.”

Let’s assume that what you have to offer actually has a high value to other people and helps them. Now, should you offer that value to one person or to ten? Or to a hundred? A thousand? Thousands? Yes! Yes, Yes, Yes! You definitely should offer that value to as many people as possible. Don’t hold it back. It is your DUTY to offer it to as many people as possible. This is what THINK BIG is all about. Many, many people need what you have to offer – offer it to them and get paid proportionally. “The by-product is that the more people you help, the ‘richer’ you become, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and definitely financially.”

It’s time to stop hiding out and start stepping out. Most people think small. And guess what, they will achieve relatively little. On the other hand, if you THINK BIG, you can achieve much more! You can help thousands and thousands of people. That shall be the goal. Eker concluded: “In the end, small thinking and small actions lead to being both broke and unfulfilled. Big thinking and big actions lead to having both money and meaning. The choice is yours!”

[*I need to note that the Harv Eker makes it clear in this book that he does not mean to degrade poor people. He does not think that rich people are better than poor or middle-class people. They’re just richer.]

I Have A Millionaire Mind!

Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Wealth File #1 Rich People Believe "I Create My Life." Poor People Believe "Life Happens to Me" (Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by T. Harv Eker’s Secret of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth (2005) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

Wealth File #1:

Rich People believe “I Create My Life.”

Poor People believe “Life Happens to Me.”

If you want to create wealth, says Eker, it is imperative that you believe that you are at the steering wheel of your life, especially your financial life. You have to believe that you are the one who creates your success, that you are the one who creates your mediocrity, and that you are the one creating your struggle around money and success. Consciously or unconsciously, it’s still you. Instead of taking responsibility for what’s going on in their lives, poor people* choose to play the role of victim.

This is important. If you feel like ‘Life just happens to me, I can’t do anything about it,’ then how are you going to change? What kind of life do you live? “I can tell you,” said Eker, “you live the life of absolutely no purpose. Completely unconsciously and meaningless…” That’s definitely NOT how you want to live. This is the first Wealth File for a good reason. If you don’t think “I create my life” then you can’t change anything. Eker points out: “You must realize that you are the creator! You must sit at the steering wheel of your life. You make the choices. And you take responsibility for your life. Basically, you are the BOSS of your life. Yes, you are!” (This is where my faith conflict with Eker’s teaching about we are the creators. But based on the context, what he really means is that we can change or not our belief system. We can create or uncreate our own beliefs).

The author states that poor people* play the role of victim. They often BLAME other people. It’s never their fault, it’s always the fault of others. Poor people also often COMPLAIN. When you are complaining, you become a living, breathing “crap magnet.” That’s the worst thing you can do. So, never whine, bitch or complain. Poor people also JUSTIFY their situation. They say things like, “Money is not that important.” If you don’t think money is important, you simply won’t have any. Put this in perspective: “Money is extremely important in the areas in which it works, and extremely unimportant in the areas in which it doesn’t.” But the poor people will argue (and this is a brilliant but funny quote by Eker): “’Well, money isn’t as important as love.’ Now, is that comparison dumb or what? What’s more important, your arm or your leg? Maybe they’re both important.” It’s funny and it makes sense. So, don’t play the role of the victim and start take responsibility and steer your life to success!

[*I need to note that the Harv Eker makes it clear in this book that he does not mean to degrade poor people. He does not think that rich people are better than poor or middle-class people. They’re just richer.]

I Have a Millionaire Mind!

Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: The Process of Manifestation T > F > A = R (Part 1 Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by T. Harv Eker’s Secret of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth (2005) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

Process of Manifestation: T > F > A = R

“Thoughts lead to Feelings. Feelings lead to Actions. Actions lead to Results.”

(Harv Eker)

That’s what Eker calls the Process of Manifestation. Thoughts are at the root of every result. He then goes one step further and states that we are programmed or conditioned in a certain way. That’s why we think how we think. The primary sources of this programming include mainly our parents and siblings, but also friends, teachers, and media, to name only a few. In short, our life is a reflection of our thoughts, which again come as a result of how we have been programmed.

This is important in many ways. Look at our culture: How could we survive without the knowledge of our ancestors? We’re born into a world of culture and structure: How could we survive without the knowledge we’re given from our parents? We depend on our parents for a very, very long time. We’re all born helpless. So, in a certain way this programming is a necessity, but in the case of money, it is often a burden… That’s where your money blueprint (see the previous post) comes in. A blueprint, in general, is a preset plan or design. Let’s take a blueprint for a house as an example. Before you build the house, you make an exact plan of what you want to build. And then, you build what you’ve planned. Now, and this is important, we all have a blueprint for money, our money blueprint – a preset plan of how much money we’ll have and how we can handle it. Every child is taught how to think about and act in relation to money.

Our financial blueprint consists primarily of the information or “programming” we received in the past, and especially as a young child. “Your past conditioning determines every thought that bubbles up in your mind. That’s why it’s often referred to as the conditioned mind.” First of all, Eker suggests, we need to understand how we are conditioned. We are conditioned in three (3) primary ways:

#1 Verbal Programming: What did you hear about money, wealth, and rich people when you were growing up? “Save your money for a rainy” “Filthy rich!” “Rich people are greedy” “Money doesn’t grow on trees” “Money doesn’t buy happiness” “We can’t afford it” and so on. Eker says, “I’m sure you heard at least one of them. The problem is that all these statements… remain in your subconscious mind as part of the blueprint that is running your financial life. Obviously, such statements do not support your financial well-being.”

#2 Modelling: What did you see when you were young? How did your parents manage money? Did money come easily in your family or was it always a struggle? Was money a source of joy in your household or the cause of bitter arguments? All these things matter a lot because as kids, we learn just about everything from modeling. It is important to recognize that your way of being related to one or both of your parents in the arena of money.

#3 Specific Incidents: What did you experience when you were young around money, wealth, and rich people? This is close to modeling but maybe you can think of a specific personal incident. Maybe a huge fight your parents had that seemingly led to the divorce? Maybe you can still hear your father swearing about a rich neighbor? Such experiences shape your beliefs you now live by.

These are three (3) major ways that have conditioned us in terms of money. Basically, that’s your money blueprint, your pre-set plan for success with money. Eker highlights: “Your money blueprint will determine your financial life – and even your personal life. And again, you can have all the knowledge and skills in the world, but if your ‘blueprint’ isn’t set for success, you’re financially doomed. If you think poor about the rich, how are you ever going to be rich? If money has always been a struggle, chances are high that it always will be a struggle. That’s in your subconscious mind. When the subconscious mind must choose between deeply rooted emotions and logic, emotions will almost always win.” If you want to think like rich people, you need to change that programming… how?

You need to become aware. “AWARENESS is the first step of change,” emphasized Eker. That’s where you are right now. You thought about how you grew up around money and hopefully became aware of the fact that you’ve been conditioned in a certain way. Now, you need to UNDERSTAND what effects this conditioning had and still has on your financial life (I personally had a bad programming). It’s only through the understanding of what your conditioned mind does to you that you can become able and willing to change. Do you see that your money blueprint is not you but it is only what you’ve learned? You do have the choice in the present moment to be different (Yes I can!). That’s the third step of change: DISASSOCIATION. How you have been conditioned is not how you need to be and how you need to think. You have the choice! It is imperative you choose your thoughts and beliefs wisely.

Eker concludes: “Being aware and living consciously is probably the most important ingredient for substantial change. YOU make the choices in life. YOU are at the steering wheel. YOU know that you have been conditioned in a certain way and that this lies at the roots of your financial life. Now that YOU are aware, YOU can change!”

REMEMBER: T > F > A = R

Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Your Money Blueprint (Part 1 Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by T. Harv Eker’s Secret of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth (2005) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“You can have all the knowledge and skills in the world, but if your ‘blueprint’ isn’t set for success, you’re financially doomed” (Harv Eker)

Who are you? How do you think? What are your habits and traits? How confident are you in yourself? Do you truly feel that you deserve wealth? What are your abilities? Can you act when you’re not in the mood? The fact that your character, thinking, and your beliefs are a critical part of what determines the level of your success (remember, to be successful it is not necessary you have to be wealthy financially, but wealthy is one of the measurements of success). Whatever results you’re getting, be they rich or poor, good or bad, positive or negative, always remember that your outer world is simply a reflection of your inner world.

Harv Eker makes it clear that we live in a world of cause and effect. Basically, who you are [your inner world] determines what you get [your outer world]. So whatever the results you get in any area of life that you can control, it is a mere result of your character, thinking, and habits. Whether it is how much money you have in your bank account or how healthy you feel or how you look like – it is always a RESULT, a reflection of who you are. So in term of money, a lack of money is never, ever a problem. “A lack of money,” said Eker, “is merely a symptom of what is going on underneath.”

If you want to change your outer world, as the book suggests (a lack of money in that case), you first need to change your inner world or “what is going on underneath.” Eker gives a simple example, he recalled, “Back in my time as a student I used to suffer from tense neck and back muscles. Therefore I went to see a physiotherapist twice a week to have my muscles un-tensed. I always felt better afterward, but the muscles would tense again and again. It wasn’t until I changed my behavior (mainly different sitting positions, more sleep, magnesium supplements, and less stress) that my muscle tensions would weaken… My point is that if only you treat the symptoms, you’ll always fall back. So, if you had a lack of money and I gave you some, sooner or later you would end up again with a lack of money. The problem is not the symptom, it is us… It’s our thinking, our habits, the way we act.”

To effectively change your results, symptoms or your overall life [your outer world], you first need to change yourself, your character, thinking and what you do [your inner world]. “Your income can grow only to the extent you do!” What has all this to do with your money blueprint? Well, you’ll understand it in the next post.

[To read my review of this book, CLICK THE TITLE, Secrets of Millionaire Mind Review]

To Change Your Outer World, You Need to Change Your Inner World

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People #1 Be Proactive

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by late Stephen R. Covey, writer of the most-effective personal development book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change (first published 1989). One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Grow!

“Be Proactive is about taking responsibility for your life. You can't keep blaming everything on your parents or grandparents. Proactive people recognize that they are ‘response-able.’ They don't blame genetics, circumstances, conditions, or conditioning for their behavior. They know they choose their behavior”
(Stephen R. Covey)

Covey categorizes people into two main groups: the ones that are proactive, and the ones that are reactive:

“Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase… Reactive people, on the other hand, focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern. They focus on the weakness of other people, the problems in the environment, and circumstances over which they have no control. Their focus results in blaming and accusing attitudes, reactive language, and increased feelings of victimization. The negative energy generated by that focus, combined with neglect in areas they could do something about, causes their Circle of Influence to shrink.”

So, every one of us has a circle of influence and a circle of concern that both share the same center in our personality. As we encounter each part of the problem, we are to choose on how to react to it. If it is something we can’t fix no matter what, we stop concerning about it and focus on the other parts that we can change.

For example, if we live in a society that is characterized by unemployment, reactive people do nothing at all and being passive to the reality. Proactive people focus on what they can do to improve themselves, create new jobs (or part-time) and be more competitive.

Effective People are Proactive People

Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action (Introduction Summary)

This book summary series is taken from Simon Sinek’s Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action (2011). Your curiosity and knowledge is infinite, but your time is not. Read this summary – and you’ll be inspired!

“There are only two ways to influence human behavior:
you can manipulate it or you can inspire it” (Simon Sinek)

The ability to motivate people is, in itself, not difficult. It is usually tied to some external factor. Great leaders, in contrast, writes Sinek, are able to inspire people to act. Those who are able to inspire give people a sense of purpose or belonging that has little to do with any external incentive or benefit to be gained. Those who truly lead are able to create a following of people who act not because they were swayed, but because they were inspired.

For those who are inspired, the motivation to act is deeply personal. They are less likely to be swayed by incentives. Those who are inspired are willing to pay a premium or endure inconvenience, even personal suffering. Those who are able to inspire will create a following of people – supporters, voters, customers, workers – who acts for the good of the whole not because they have to, but because they want to.

People who love going to work are more productive and creative. They go home happier and have happier families. They treat their colleagues and clients and customers better. Inspired employees make for stronger companies and stronger economies.

Great Leaders, inspired!

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life (Conclusion)

If you like to read all the summaries from Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life (2016), click HERE

The key to becoming a happier person right now is to build a better sets of values. When your values are realistic, constructive and completely under your own control, you will be able to lead a life filled with healthy challenges.

If you really want to gain the knowledge from this book, and apply it in real life. Then here’s a checklist for actions to take:

Sit Down Right Now and Make An Honest List of the Values and measuring systems you use to evaluate your life. Then go through the list and using Manson’s criteria, determine which are good and had values. Brainstorm how to change the bad values into good ones.

Take An Honest Look at How Your Thought Measure Up with Your Actions. Are you deluding yourself into thinking that you are extraordinary and exceptional when in reality you have not done anything?

Next Time You Run Up Against A Problem You Are Struggling to Solve, Don’t Just Sit There, Do Something – anything. Let your action lead to inspiration and motivation rather than waiting around for inspiration to strike.

Not Giving A F*ck!

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: Failure Is the Way Forward (Chapter 7 Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life (2016) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“You can become your own source of inspiration. You can become your own source of motivation. Action is always within reach. And with simply doing something as your only metric for success – well, then even failure pushes you forward”

(Mark Manson)

Manson considers himself extremely fortunate that he graduated college in 2007, right before the job market tanked. After all, if he had never hit rock bottom, he would never have had the courage to start his own online business. Many would have considered freshly graduated Manson to be a failure, but Manson had his own metric of success: for him, giving up on his dreams and accepting a ‘safe’ job would have meant failing. Struggling for a few years with no money was not failing.

Just as there is no happiness without problems, there are no improvements without thousands of tiny failures. After all, children fall thousands of times when learning to walk, but they get back up and try again. Avoiding failure is a learned behaviour, and it is one that we must break ourselves of in order to move forward and improve. Again, this depends on setting good values for ourselves (see previous article) – actions that we take every day to improve our lives.

Embracing failure will often mean suffering pain and discomfort and fear. Manson gives this advice for dealing with fear of failure; when you are stuck on a problem, don’t just sit there. Do something. The answers will follow. Action is not just the effect of motivation, but also the cause of motivation.

Accept that failure and pain are inherent components

of an active life.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: You Are Not Special (Chapter 3 Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life (2016) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“It turn out that merely feeling good about yourself doesn’t really mean anything unless you have a good reason to feel good about yourself.”

(Mark Manson)

In the 1960s, a trend began in psychology focused on helping people develop higher self-esteem. The theory was that people who felt good about themselves would perform better and cause fewer problems. School, churches and companies began employing this theory. People were bombarded with messages telling them that they were all exceptional and capable of achieving greatness.

The huge problem is that many people take this message and believe it – but never actually do anything to make themselves exceptional or successful. They talk a big talk, but do no walking to back it up. These people are entitled and delusional in their confidence in themselves to the point of self-destructive – and often other-destructive – narcissism. And sometimes it happens the other way round. People who suffer traumatic experiences or huge failures or disappointments start believing that they are special because of their pain. They brand themselves as victim. These people are also entitled, in that they feel entitled to bad behaviour because they have been victimized. Both of these forms of entitlement lead people to hugely selfish behaviour and demands that the world revolve around them and their feelings (social media is the best examples).

And it doesn’t help that we are constantly bombarded with examples of extraordinary and exceptional on TV and the internet. When we compare ourselves and our accomplishments to what we see, we feel average – an average has become the new standard of failure. But the idea that everyone can be extraordinary is simply impossible – if everyone is something, than that thing by definition is ordinary.

Constantly striving to be extraordinary and exceptional is very bad for mental health, and the cure is to accept that much of what you do and who you are is ordinary and average. Manson compares this to eating your veggies – embracing the bland truths of life in order to grow healthier and stronger. Bottom line? By accepting that not everything you do has to be extraordinary, you regain your appreciation for the simple joys and beauties found throughout your life.

F*ck, Stop Thinking that You Are Special

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: Happiness Is A Problem (Chapter 2 Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life (2016) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“Dissatisfaction and unease are inherent parts of human nature
and necessary components to creating consistent happiness.”
(Mark Manson)

                                       

The second chapter starts off with the story of a prince whose father decided to shield him from all human suffering – to keep him within the confines of the palace grounds and surrounded by luxury; so far away from the poor and hungry that he never even knew they existed. One day the prince discovered what his father had done and was horrified by the state of the world he found outside his pain-free, problem-free bubble. So, the prince began to believe that he could achieve happiness by stripping himself of all of his worldly pleasures, and then replacing those luxuries with a life full of suffering.

But that didn’t work either.

Eventually this prince became known as the Buddha, and his philosophy – that pain and loss are an inherent part of the human existence and shouldn’t be resisted – swept across the globe and continues to be widely practiced today. The actionable insight here is this: We can choose happiness every day of our lives, rather than imagining that we will eventually, someday, be happy. So, pause for just a moment – right here and right now – and make a deliberate decision that, from here on out, you will defeat “someday syndrome” by choosing to be happy right now. Stop saying, “someday I’ll be happy when I can get X or do Y,” and that you will instead start choosing to be happy right now – on a moment to moment basis – regardless of what’s going on in your life.

Discover happiness through the process of consistently solving your problems.

Don’t Give A F*ck!

Change Your Life: Do Something - Help and Contribute

“You can always, always give something, even if it is only kindness”

(Anne Frank)

With ever-increasing demands on our time, energy, and resources, many of us feel that we are doing all we can just to meet our obligations. As a result, we often let pass the opportunities that we have to help other people. Crucially, it’s not only those in need who pay the price of our indifference. We, too, lose out by not helping others.

Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky conducted an experiment in which she asked people to carry out, in the course of one day, five kind acts that they would not normally do. These actions do not have to be grand and dramatic. An act of kindness can be baking cookies for your neighbour, or donating money or time to a cause you believe in, or helping a friend think through a dilemma, or giving blood, or even simply opening a door for a stranger. What Lyubomirsky found was that whether large or small, these acts of kindness contributed significantly to the well-being of those who gave, not just while they were performing these acts, not just for one day, but for the entire week.

[Taken from Choose the Live You Want (2012) by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD]

Don’t remain indifferent,

Do something – help and contribute.

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Change Your Life: Choose Deliberately - No Autopilot Please!

“We need to make our currently unconscious thoughts, actions and feelings conscious. We need to deliberately (and repeatedly) make new choices—choosing to act, think, and feel in ways consistent with the new reality we’re committed to creating”
(Brian Johnson)

We spend much of our time “flying on autopilot,” reacting unthinkingly in the same way we always have in the past to whatever it is that life throws at us. We may get angry when someone says something we strongly disagree with; we may withdraw affection when we are criticised; we may give up when a challenge seem daunting. In the moment, these reactions may feel inevitable, but they are not.

When I go through life reacting to everything in the same way I always have before, I deny myself the possibility of much more positive experiences. Instead, I need to step back and think about how I want to respond to a situation. I need to take control and act consciously and deliberately, thus creating a better experience of myself and for those around me.

Don’t fly thought life on autopilot,

Choose deliberately.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1) Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!)

2) The Feeling Good Handbook by D.D. Burns (New York: Plume, 1999)

Change Your Life: Be Hopeful and Optimistic

a movie

Tal Ben-Shahar in his book Choose the Life You Want writes that until 1954, running the mile under four minutes was considered a physical impossibility. Doctors and scientists all agreed that the four-minute mark represented the physiological limit of human ability. The best runners in the world confirmed the experts’ view by closing in on the four-minute mile but never bettering it. Runners spoke of the “brick wall,” an impenetrable barrier that existed at the four-minute mark.

Despite the prevailing conventional wisdom, Roger Bannister, a medical student at Oxford University, believed that he could run a mile in under four minutes. He was dismissed by other athletes and the scientific community as detached, unrealistic. On May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister broke the world record for the mile, running the distance in three minutes and fifty-nine seconds. The impossible had become reality! But there is more: only six weeks after Bannister’s achievement, John Landy, an Australian runner, ran the mile in three minutes and fifty-eight seconds. A year later, three runners broke the four-minute barrier in a single race. Since 1954, the four-minute mile has been surpassed thousands of times. The impenetrable barrier, it turned out, was a product of the mind – and it was broken by the mind.

The lesson to be learned from this story is that our beliefs – whether we are optimistic (I can!) or pessimistic (I can’t…) – play a significant role in creating our reality. This does not mean that we can throw reality out the window and that everything that we hope and wish for will come true, but it does imply that being hopeful and optimistic about life and believe in one selves can make it happen. George Bernard Shaw once says, “You see things; and you say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were; and I say, ‘Why not?’” Where do your beliefs limit you? What barriers can you overcome on your way to fulfilling your dreams?

Don’t be a pessimist,

Be hopeful and optimistic.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Change Your Life: Appreciate and Learn from Those Around You

“Appreciation is to humans what the sun is for plants”

(Frank Iversen)

There are certain people – ones we know intimately and others we meet for the first time – who, for one reason or another, irritate us. It could be the way they act or talk, the way they look or walk. And while there is no need to always change our perspective about those people – leaving the scene or minimizing the time we spend with them could be the right thing to do – we lose many opportunities when we mindlessly succumb to the dictates of our unpleasant reactions.

Reflecting on the source of our dislike toward another person can reveal something about ourselves, because we often get annoyed by precisely those things we dislike in ourselves. Learning to appreciate things about the person who vexes us can help us cultivate the benefit-finder within, as well as develop deeper compassion – both of which will contribute to our relationships with others and with ourselves. What can you learn from others now?

Don’t allow others to upset you,

Appreciate and learn from those around you.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. An Open Heart: Practicing Compassion in Everyday Life by Dalai Lama (New York: Back Bay Books, 2002).

Change Your Life: Just Do It!

“A thousand-mile journey begins with a first step”

(Lao-Tzu)

Procrastination – putting things off, dragging one’s feet, unnecessarily postponing what can and needs to be done today – is a pervasive phenomenon. Over 70 percent of college students, for example, identify themselves as procrastinators. The temptation to put things off is understandable, but the price we pay for procrastinating is high – studies show that procrastinators have higher levels of stress, a weaker immune system, poorer sleep, and unsurprisingly, given all of that, lower levels of happiness.

Fortunately, the research into procrastination has also identified practical ways that can help overcome the tendency to procrastinate. The single most important technique is called “the five-minute take-off.” It consists, simply, of starting to do the thing you have been putting off, no matter how little you feel like doing it. Procrastinators often believe that to do something one has to truly want to do it – to be in the right mood, to feel inspired. This is not the case. Usually, to get the job done, it is enough to begin doing it – the initial action kick-starts the process and often brings about more action.

So, for example, if you have difficulty getting yourself to exercise, just make the choice to put on your running shoes and start running: more often than not, the action will reinforce itself. If you have a project that needs to be done, don’t wait for that “right moment.” Choose to act, now! This approach can serve you well on a larger scale too: Commit to your vision, your dream, don’t procrastinate. Find ways to start moving forward the life you want to be living right now.

Don’t procrastinate,

Just do it!

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. Overcoming Procrastination: Or How to Think and Act Rationally in Spite of Life’s Inevitable Hassles by A. Ellis and W.J. Knaus (New York: Signet, 1979)

Creativity is an Expression of Mental Health

Vincent Ryan Ruggiero in his book The Art of Thinking writes that one common image of the creative person is reinforced by a number of low-budget horror films. That image depicts a wild-eyed mad scientist, shuffling nervously around a laboratory (pronounced lab-or-a-try in an ominous tone of voice), rubbing hands together evilly and drooling. Many people really believe the image: They view creative person and lunatic as near synonyms.  Vincent says that they are – wrong!

In the following passage, Harold H. Anderson summaries a leading psychological view concerning the relative sanity of creative people. (Endorsers include such respected thinkers as Erick Fromm, Rollo May, Carl Rogers, Abraham Maslow, P.J. Guilford, and Ernest Hilgard).

“The consensus of these authors is that creativity is an expression of a mentally or psychologically healthy person, that creativity is associated with wholeness, unity, honesty, integrity, personal involvement, enthusiasm, high motivation, and action.

There is also agreement that neurosis either accompanies or causes a degraded quality of one’s creativity. For neurotic persons and persons with other forms of mental disease [who are, at the same time, creative] such assumptions as the following are offered: that these persons are creative in spite of their disease; that they are producing below the achievements they would show without the disease; that they are on the downgrade, or that they are pseudo creative, that is, they may have brilliant original ideas which, because of the neurosis, they do not communicate.”

In summary: Creativity is the expression of mental health. Rejoices!

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Making Ideas Happen

Creative types have a problem. We have so many great ideas, but most of them, well, never see the light of day. I wonder, "Why do most ideas never happen?" The reason, as this book suggests, is that our own creative habits get in the way. For example, "our tendency to generate new ideas often gets in the way of executing the ones we have." I recommend reading this book Making Ideas Happen by Scott Belsky. I enjoyed and underline many good points in this book. Weekend is great! Oh, I have to go… and make my idea(s) happen.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)