Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: So What the Heck Do I Do Now? (End)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by T. Harv Eker’s Secret of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth (2005) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“If you want to change the fruits, you will first have to change the roots.
If you want to change the visible, you must first change the invisible.”

(Harv T. Eker)

An old saying, “What you hear, you forget; what you see, you remember; what you do, you understand.” As you read Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, do you remember Eker’s motto? Exactly, action always beats inaction! That’s why I suggest that you get started. Take the ONE Wealth File that you liked and/or needed the most and read it again and follow the action plans. Think of what you could do RIGHT NOW that would bring you closer to how rich people think and act. That’s the first step. It’s your actions that count!

Now, reading is a start, of course, but if you want to succeed in the real world, it’s going to be your actions that count. Reading is an action as well, and reading great literature is a HUGE step in the right direction. Still, it is very important to integrate what you’ve learned into your life. Otherwise, it doesn’t help you grow. Getting rich said Eker throughout this book, takes focus, courage, knowledge, expertise, 100% of your effort, a never-give-up attitude, and of course, a rich mindset. So work on yourself. Work on your thinking. Work on your mind. Work on who you are. And if you choose to be rich, or better – if you commit to being rich – then it helps to know that the most important ingredient to self-made millionaires’ success is the MILLIONAIRE MIND!

I Have A Millionaire Mind!

Secret of the Millionaire Mind: Wealth File #13 Rich People Focus on Their Net Worth

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by T. Harv Eker’s Secret of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth (2005) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

Wealth File #13:

Rich People Focus on Their Net Worth.

Poor People* Focus on Their Working Income.

“The true measure of wealth is net worth, not working income,” said Harv Eker, “Always has been, always will be. Net worth is the financial value of everything you own. This may sound a well-off or only for the rich - but it’s valid.” Eker explains that there are four net worth factors: #1 Income; #2 Savings; #3 Investments; and #4 Simplification.

#1 Income. Income comes in two forms: Working Income and Passive Income. You all know what the working income is, you go to work and you earn money for your work (or time, as discussed in previous posts earlier). You’ve probably also heard of passive income. This is money you earn without actively working (We’ll discuss that in more detail in Wealth File #15). Working and passive income together make your income (for most people it’s just working income).

#2 Savings. You can earn massive amounts of money, but when you spend it all, you have zero savings. Many people have a financial blueprint that is wired for spending (I’m guilty). These people spend everything they have no matter how much they earn. That’s what Eker called the Parkinson’s Law: Expenses will always rise in direct proportion of income. “That’s why income alone will never create wealth.” That certainly makes sense. We need to make savings.

#3 Investments. Because of savings, we can make investments, another piece of the net worth puzzle. Rich people take time and energy to learn about investing and investments. Poor people* think investing is only for the rich people, so they never learn about it and stay broke.

#4 Simplification. The fourth net worth factor is simplification. This is about saving money by leading a ‘cheaper’ lifestyle. By decreasing your cost of living, you increase your savings and the amount of funds available for investing.

For more details about each factors of net worth, please refer to the book. In short, Eker explains that “rich people understand that buildings a high net worth is an equation that contains all four elements: Income, savings, investments and simplification.” We can raise our income either through promotions and/or by increasing our value. We all also can save more money. Follow the 50:30:20 Rule, spending 50% on needs, 30% on wants, and allocating 20% to savings (find out other Rules from the internet. Choose what’s suitable for you). We too can learn about investments and spend less money on our lifestyle. As Eker said, “To increase your wealth, you either have to earn more or live on less.”

[*I need to note that the Harv Eker makes it clear in this book that he does not mean to degrade poor people. He does not think that rich people are better than poor or middle-class people. They’re just richer.]

I Have A Millionaire Mind!

Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Wealth File #5 Rich People Focus on Opportunities, Poor People Focus on Obstacles

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by T. Harv Eker’s Secret of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth (2005) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

Wealth File #5:

Rich People Focus on Opportunities.

Poor* People Focus on Obstacles.

Poor people’s primary mindset is “What if it doesn’t work?” or more often, “It won’t work.” Rich people, on the other hand, take responsibility for the results in their lives and act upon the mindset, “It will work because I’ll make it work.” Rich people expect to succeed. These are completely opposite mind-sets. Poor people see obstacles while rich people see opportunities. Poor people focus on the risks while rich people focus on the rewards. No risks, no rewards. Harv Eker states that as soon as there is an opportunity, rich people gather as much knowledge as quickly as possible to make their decision. They go for it or not. Poor people claim to be preparing but what they’re usually doing is stalling. They’re scared and wait until the opportunity has gone along the way.

“The idea is to get in the game with whatever you’ve got, from wherever you are. I call this entering the corridor,” says Eker. The point is that no luck – or anything else worthwhile – will come your way unless you take some form of action. “I call this being an ACTION-TAKER.” The author advises us to enter the corridor and then correct along the way. So, act and enter the corridor before you feel perfectly prepared. You will never be perfectly prepared, never! Entering the corridor means getting into a business, learning about a business, not from the outside (Yes, I will have my first small business with my partner next year! Yea!). So, if you want to become a hotelier, for example, it is wise to visit a hotel first. And also, work in a hotel first. Get to know how a hotel works from the inside. From the outside, you don’t see a thing…

If you really want to learn a business, get into it, says Eker, “You don’t have to own the darn thing from day one.” If you remember Harv Eker’s motto: Action always beats inaction. And don’t be the poor person who is still preparing, planning, analyzing and waiting… If you’re always “preparing” and “getting ready,” it’s like you’re waiting for someone else to take the chance. Don’t wait and see but act and see. You can still do some corrections along the way, it doesn’t need to be perfect from day one. If you’re like me, a guy, you’ve probably been in a situation like this (if you’re a lady, imagine): You’re out with your friends and there is a girl you like in the same bar. You wait and wonder what you’re going to say to her – you’re preparing (but you’re also stalling because you’re afraid of rejection or whatever). Suddenly, Bang! There’s another guy with her. You’ve just missed the damn chance! That guy is not better than you, he just took action. That’s the difference! You've outwaited the opportunity.

So, from now on – TAKE ACTION. Get in the corridor when there’s an opportunity. Action always beats inaction. Don’t wait for the opportunity to pass. Place your hand on your heart and say, “I focus on opportunities over obstacles,” “I get ready, I fire, I aim!”

[*I need to note that the Harv Eker makes it clear in this book that he does not mean to degrade poor people. He does not think that rich people are better than poor or middle-class people. They’re just richer.]

I Have A Millionaire Mind!

12 Rules for Life #12 Pat a Cat When You Encounter One on the Street (Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Jordan B. Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos (2018) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“Set aside some time to talk and to think about the illness or other crisis and how it should be managed every day. Do not talk or think about it otherwise. If you do not limit its effect, you will become exhausted, and everything will spiral into the ground. This is not helpful. Conserve your strength. You’re in a war, not a battle, and a war is composed of many battles. You must stay functional through all of them. When worries associated with the crisis arise at other times, remind yourself that you will think them through, during the scheduled period”

(Jordan Peterson)

This final rule is mainly autobiographical and Peterson tells us about tragedy and pain. When tragic things are in front of us and we’re powerless, we must keep our eyes open for those little things that make life worthwhile. The title of this chapter inspired from the author’s experience of observing a local stray cat and watching it adapt to its surroundings in a harsh environment. “

When you feel that your life is crewed up there is a way to make it easier to handle until you make it back on your feet. That is to shorten your “temporal horizon.” Stop thinking about what’s going to happen in the next months. Think about what and how you can improve today’s day or maybe just the next hours. Shrink the time frame until you can eventually handle the rest of it and this is how you adjust to devastation. It’s very important to not give up even in the worst situations, even if you’re at a place you’d rather not be, always try to look for what’s meaningful and worthwhile. “When you are going for a walk and your head is spinning a cat will show up and if you pay attention to it then you will get a reminder for just fifteen seconds that the wonder of Being might make up for the ineradicable suffering that accompanies it,” wrote Peterson, “Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street.”

Keep Your Eyes on What’s Meaningful and Worthwhile.

12 Rules for Life #4 Compare Yourself to Who You Were Yesterday, Not Who Someone Else Is Today (Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Jordan B. Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos (2018) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“What you aim at determines what you see.”

“We only see what we aim at. The rest of the world (and that’s most of it) is hidden.”

(Jordan Peterson)

People always have the tendency to compare themselves to other persons who seem or happen to be more successful and have a better life. Even if you see or believe that someone you know is living a better life than yours, the comparison is meaningless and unhelpful especially when you are a grown up. Besides, you never know what different problems he or she is facing or whether he or she is very happy or not, since you only see a “slice of his life.”

What’s really beneficial, is to focus on yourself, on your life and its surroundings. Seek what’s bothering you in order to change or improve it and honestly think whether or not you are able to do something about it. If it’s not something within your power, then leave it alone and focus on something else with lower demands. Moreover, you can’t always change your life for the better in just a couple of days. Some things require some time and effort. Take one step every time and live by the thought that you are in a better condition/shape than yesterday and that you’ll eventually reach higher and higher – better and better – at least much better than you were yesterday!

Don’t Compare (with Others) but Compare (with Yourself Yesterday).

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People #3 Put First Things First

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by late Stephen R. Covey, writer of the most-effective personal development book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change (first published 1989). One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Grow!

“To live a more balanced existence, you have to recognize that not doing everything that comes along is okay. There's no need to overextend yourself. All it takes is realizing that it's all right to say no when necessary and then focus on your highest priorities.”

(Stephen R. Covey)

“Habit 3 is the personal fruit, the practical fulfillment of Habits 1 and 2.” What we’ve gained from Habits 1 (Be Proactive) and 2 (Begin With End in Mind) was how to react to our problems, fully understand ourselves and the goal we have in our life. Habit 3 is about learning to manage ourselves effectively by putting first things first in order to achieve that goal. This is what will give birth to a strong ‘Yes’ inside you that will give you the courage to say ‘No’ to other things.

First of all, we should categorize our activities and focus on specific ones. Covey uses Dwight Eisenhower’s tool for that:

Quadrant 1: Important and Urgent (Manage)
such as pressing matters, deadline-driven missions, crises, etc.

Quadrant 2: Important not Urgent (Focus)
like building relationships, planning, recognizing new opportunities, etc.

Quadrant 3: Urgent not Important (Avoid)
such as events that interrupt other events, meetings, etc.

Quadrant 4: Not Important or Urgent (Limit)
like addicted to social media, excessive entertainments, etc.

An effective and proactive person would prioritize dealing with not urgent but at the same time important activities. As a matter of fact, Quadrant 2 has many advantages when it is arranged properly. As long as you effectively keep dealing with it, Quadrant 1 will shrink, making your everyday life easier and less pressured. Quadrant 3, while it’s urgent, it’s not important which means that it’s not a big deal to neglect it. Quadrant 4 is usually for irresponsible individuals to prioritize.

Put First Things First is Very Important – What’s Your Priority?
So important that Covey wrote another book entitled First Things First

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: To Change Effectively, Change Perceptions (Introduction)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by late Stephen R. Covey, writer of the most-effective personal development book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change (first published 1989). One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Grow!

“To change ourselves effectively, we first had to change our perceptions”

“In order to be effective, you have to focus on changing some important things in yourself”

(Stephen R. Covey)

According to Covey, the most importing thing we have to change in ourselves is not our behaviour, but our character and perceptions. Changing our behaviour, which is what most people tend to do when choosing to change themselves, has only brief results. To be effective, we must put an effort into changing the way we see the world around us (perceptions).

Another important thing to mention is that people see other successful people around them and tend to try to become like them in the most effortless and brief way possible. If we really want to achieve our goal we must not focus that much on how long will that take, but firstly focus to change from inside out to be able to attempt it. For example, you can’t really start building a house without building the foundations first.

That’s what The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People will teach you step by step. The first 3 habits emphasize on improving your skills to become independent. The next 3 are focused on taking advantage of teamwork development, interacting with people and become interdependent. The last one is about improving what you’ve already achieved and growing bigger and bigger.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People are:

To Change Effectively, First Change Your Perceptions!

With Winning In Mind: Catch Yourself Doing Something Right (Chapter 5)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Lanny Bassham's With Winning in Mind (2012) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“Stop catching yourself doing things wrong and trying to find out why you are failing. Instead, only think about your successes, never your failures. An example is a golfer. The mentally uninformed golfer hits a good shot and says, ‘Well, I guess I just got lucky that time.’ When he hits a bad shot he says, ‘Why do I always do that?’ The mentally informed golfer hits a bad shot. He knows it is bad, but says, ‘Next time I will hit a better shot.’ Then he hits a good shot and says, ‘That’s a good shot. What did I do right?’ See the difference?”

(Lanny Bassham)

Instead of catching ourselves doing something wrong, let’s from now on catch ourselves doing right and improve our chances of repeating that positive behavior in the future. You can catch yourself doing anything right. Be it cleaning your room, studying, reading, meditating, being kind to someone, having fun, practicing something… whatever it is: Catch yourself and pat yourself on the back. Applaud yourself. Better yet, celebrate yourself.

“I know it’s counterintuitive,” writes Bassham, “but that’s because our society is seriously messed up. We’re all programmed to focus on the negative, to complain, to make excuses, to behave like little bitches, and to use negative reinforcement. Let’s stop that.” Instead, be nice to yourself and others, focus on the positive, talk about the good things in life, and positively reinforce them.

Have A Winning Mindset!

With Winning In Mind: What Are You Picturing in Your Mind? (Chapter 1)

It this Pink or Purple Elephant? 

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Lanny Bassham's With Winning in Mind (2012) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“I had a baseball coach once who always said, ‘Whatever you do Bassham, don’t strike out.’ What do you picture when I say, ‘Don’t strike out’? It is impossible to think about hitting the ball if you are picturing striking out”
(Lanny Bassham)

Lanny writes, “It is impossible to picture winning and losing at the same time. You are either picturing something that will help you or something that will hurt you.” It doesn’t really matter which words we use when we think or talk. What matters is the picture that gets created in our minds.

Think about this: What happens when I say, “Don’t think about a pink elephant?” Damn right, your mind pictures a pink elephant. What happens when you’re about to hit the ball and you or someone else is constantly telling you, “Don’t strike out! Don’t strike out! Don’t strike out!” Yep, you will picture yourself NOT hitting the ball, but striking out instead. This is HUGELY important.

We have to take control of our mental pictures. Everything we’re picturing either helps us and moves us in the right direction or harms us and moves us in the wrong direction. Just like every action and every decision you make… every mental picture you create in your mind either helps you achieve your goals or moves you further away from your goals. It doesn’t matter who creates the picture in your mind. It could be your coach, your parents, your friends, or yourself. What matters is the picture that gets created. Keep that in mind.

Control Your Mental Picture.

Have a Winning Mindset!

  

With Winning In Mind: Focus on Performance (Introduction)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Lanny Bassham's With Winning in Mind (2012) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

In this book With Winning in Mind (2012), Lanny Bassham writes, "What separates winners from others is mainly the way they THINK." From interviewing hundreds of Olympic winning athletes, they all answered that 90% of their games is MENTAL. How much time do average athletes spend on training mental part of the game? Usually answer is the same: very little or less than 10%. Again: What separates winners from others is mainly the way they THINK.

When athletes have the mindset that they EXPECT to perform well, winning is automatically an option. For others, hope or wish is their mindset. If you want to be a winner, the desired outcome needs to be CONCRETE in your mind. What's important here is the PROCESS. This is primary. Think about executing mental and physical processes, not about winning. Thinking about winning can pull thoughts away from the process. So, you need to think about PROCESS.

In business, for example, think about how you can improve your mental and business processes, rather than making a certain amount of money. "One thing is certain, however," writes Lanny, "your worth as a person is not equal to your score." Self-worth is not equal to net-worth. Lanny explains, "So, should we be concerned at all about winning? Certainly. And the best focus, in my view, is on a winning performance, not on finishing on top. I suggest that your goal set on how to win performance on the day of competition instead of goal setting to win the competition. What is the difference you ask? If your goal set to have a winning performance you will always be process-oriented and not outcome-oriented. You will be much less likely to over-try in the competition because you are always focused on the next step and not counting your score."

This is really critical for goal setting.

Focus on performance.

Have a Winning Mindset!

Focus Repetition Will Make You Think Faster

But then, Caesar from 'Planet of the Apes' is too smart

Michael M. Merzenich is famous for many experiments with monkeys. In one he trained a monkey to touch a spinning disk with a certain amount of pressure for a certain amount of time. The monkey was then rewarded with a banana pellet reward. The monkey’s brain was mapped before and after the experiments. What happened has huge implications. The overall area of that particular map in the monkey’s brain got bigger. This makes sense as more brain resources are being dedicated to the more frequently carried out tasks. The individual neuron’s receptive fields got smaller – more accurate – and only fired when small corresponding parts of its fingertip touched the disk. So there were more accurate neurons available to do this task.

Here’s where things get really fascinating. Merzenich found that as these trained neurons got more efficient they processed faster. This means that our speed of thought is plastic. Through deliberate, focused repetition our neurons are being trained to fire more quickly. They also don’t need to rest for as long between actions. Imagine how much more powerful and effective you would be if you could think quicker. It doesn’t even stop there, the faster the communications, the clearer, so more likely to fire in sync with other fast communications ultimately making more powerful networks. More powerful networks or messages make it more likely we’ll remember something.

[Source: Make Your Brain Work (2013) by Amy Brann. Pg. 24]

So if you want the benefit of faster thinking capacity

and the ability to recall things easily in the future,

then you need to pay conscious attention to one thing at a time.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Is Your Child Naturally Creative? Nine Sure Signs that They Are

I believe that creative talents are due to nature (gift) and nurture (learn) at the same time. It is a blend of the two. But some children seem to be outstandingly creative from a very young age. Victoria Wilson in her book Boost Your Child’s Creativity (The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc; 2009) listed nine signs that your child may be creatively gifted or naturally creative:

1)    They’re Often Lost in Daydreams. A vivid imagination, and a love of fantasizing and being playful with thoughts is a strong sign of a creative child.

2)    They Connect Seemingly Random Objects and Ideas in Their Fantasy Play. Of course most children love imaginary play, but a key thing to look out for is if your child connects seemingly random objects or ideas into their play or stories. For example, they are an alien descending to sample the tomato soup on planet Earth, or their pretend horse loves chatting to the flowers on his mobile phone. This ability to make unusual connections is a key trait of very creative children.

3)    They Ask Lots of Unusual Questions. Most children go through a phase of asking ‘Why?’ to everything. But if your child is always asking questions and especially if he or she comes up with very strange, seemingly silly questions such as, ‘What would happen if the sun came back up at night-time?’ or ‘Why don’t apples grow from our fingers?’ it is a strong sign they are very creative. What they are also demonstrating is the ability to rearrange elements of thought to create new ideas and the inclination to question things others take for granted.

4)    They’re Often the Odd One Out; They Don’t Dress or Act the Same Way Others Do. It’s natural for children to want to be accepted by their classmates and friends, but some children will deliberately choose to be the odd one out no matter how much pressure there is to fit in. Often this is simply because they think differently to others, and thinking differently is thinking originally.

5)    They’re Resourceful and Good at Solving Problems. Creative children are, by definition, good problem solvers because they are flexible in the way they think and adapt quickly to different situations. Also, by definition, children who are creative will have lots of ideas and potential solutions to problems.

6)    They Love Playing Alone and Can Entertain Themselves for Long Periods of Time. Of course, children need some organized activities, and there’s even some evidence that a little carefully selected TV can stimulate learning and ideas. But a child who’s naturally able to come up with ideas is usually able to find plenty to occupy him or herself. In fact, it is very hard for children who are shuttled from one arranged activity to another, or put in front of the TV for long periods every day, to be creative.

7)    They’re Often So Absorbed in What They’re Doing, They Don’t Even Hear You. Being utterly absorbed in creative play or activities is to be in what famous psychologist Abraham Maslow labelled a ‘peek experience.’ This is the ability to ‘become lost in the present.’ It’s an important ability, particularly for young children who need constant supervision, because it allows them to free themselves from interaction and interruptions by others, while remaining in their presence, so they can really focus on their own thoughts, feelings and experiences. This is essential for creativity, because it allows children to form individual and original thoughts.

8)    They’re Rebellious. Of course, sometimes this is simply bad behaviour, but the instinct to think for themselves and to be individuals will drive creative children to question parents, teachers and books. It is down to you and your innate knowledge of your own child to determine whether a demand to wear a ballerina costume to bed is an act of creative expression, or a ploy to put off bedtime…

9)    They’re Often Both Extroverts and Introverts. Psychologists have found that very creative people can often be very outgoing and very shy at different times, whereas most of the population are either one or the other.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Leonardo da Vinci's Unquenchable Curiosity and Acute Observations

Helen Gardner, in her book Art through the Ages (1970) writes of Leonardo da Vinci’s “unquenchable curiosity,” and we see this reflected in the 13,000 pages of his famous journals, in which he made a daily record – in notes, drawings, and scientific diagrams – of his observations and studies. These notebooks cover a wide range of interests and phenomena, from human anatomy and facial expressions to animals, birds, plants, rocks, water, chemistry, optics, painting, astronomy, architecture and engineering.

Biographer Daniel Arassa recounts just how far da Vinci would go to try to understand everything around him. On one occasion, the great man coated the wings of the fly with honey to find out if this would change the sound of its buzzing noise in flight. Observing that the note produced by the fly was lower than usual, he attributed this to the fact that the ballasted wings were beating the air less rapidly than before. Thus, da Vinci concluded that the pitch of a musical note is connected with the speed of the percussive movement of the air.

Da Vinci’s acute observations led him to think about and try to solve problems that hadn’t been seriously considered before. Nobody, for example, was asking for a parachute, a car, a submarine, a hang glider, a diving suit, a helicopter, a calculator, or floating shoes and stocks for walking on water, but Leonardo da Vinci invented, or at least conceptualized, these things.

He also came up with military innovations like the machine gun, the armoured tank, the finned mortar shell, a giant crossbow, a triple-barrel cannon, and a mobile bridge. He sketched mechanical breakthroughs such as a steam engine, a hydraulic pump, a reversible crank mechanism, a flywheel system, ball bearings, a hoisting machine, a more accurate clock, an automated bobbin winder, a lens-grinding machine, and a machine for testing the tensile strength of wire. He designed the world’s first canal lock system, a method for excavating tunnels through mountains, a 720-foot (220 m) single-span bridge, a new kind of musical instrument, a double hull for ships, an industrial use for solar power, and a fully functional robot (which he built and displayed for his patron, Ludovico Sforza, at a celebration in Milan in 1495).

“Da Vinci,” writes Rowan Gibson, “was able to spot unmet needs and innovation opportunities because he was vastly more observant and more engaged with his environment than others. He was focusing his attention on issues and frustrations that most people simply ignored.”

[Quoted from The 4 Lenses of Innovation (2015) by Rowan Gibson. Title mine]

                                                                                                                    

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Change Your Life: Love and Respect Those Close to You

Watch Fast & Furious movies sometime, they value family together (minus guns and explosions)

“Respect is love in plain clothes”
(Frankie Byrne)

Often we save our best behaviour for strangers. We tend to take greater liberties (I mean taking for granted) with those who are closest to us – those who care about us most and about whom we care – than we do with total strangers. We may say painful and hurtful things to family members; we may act hostile to our partner or best friend. Although we may feel intimate and shared long history with them (no worthwhile relationship is going to be free from hurt and pain), there is no excuse for us to show hostility, insults or contempt.  

When I was a child, I often think that my parents are perfect. The same thing happens when I fall in love. But at some point, reality set in, and I discovered that my parents – including those that I loved – is human, just like everyone on earth! And then, whether it’s because of the disappointment or because we know their shortcomings so intimately – we attack them more than we do other people. This is not right! I learned that instead of focusing on my parents’ imperfections and weaknesses, I need to focus on those traits that I admire and appreciate in them, and treat them with love and respect.

I propose a slightly modified version of Golden Rule, namely: Do not do unto those close to you what you would not have done unto others (who are not close to you). We can get angry and upset, we can be disappointed and hurt, but if we want our relationships to flourish over time, we must treat those we love with at least as much respect as we do those we have just met.

Don’t simply insults and disrespect those close to you,

Learn to love and respect those whom you care the most.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Change Your Life: Life is Short... Move On

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow,

It only saps today of its joy” (Leo Buscaglia)

Worry can serve an important purpose: If we worry about something today, we can take action to avert trouble in the future. Most of the time, however, we worry about what is beyond our control, or about things that are trivial and unimportant. Whenever I worry, I remind myself to step back and ask myself whether my worry serves a purpose. If it does, then I should take action! If, however, it does not, then I need to label my preoccupation as unnecessary worry, and move on to other more useful pursuits.

Although it may be difficult initially to shift my focus away from worry, I know that over time I will gain better control over what preoccupies me and learn to move on when I engage in futile concern. Life is short. The question for all of us, young and old, is how long it is going to take us to realize this. Whether we like it or not, the clock is ticking and our time here on earth is limited. Much in the world is worth doing and worth contemplating; it would be such a shame to waste time and effort on futile concerns. Make the most of the time you have!

Don’t worry,

Life is short… Move on.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. Existantial Physhotherapy by I.D. Yalom (New York: Basic Books, 1980) P.s.: I don’t agreed in existentialist thinking.

Change Your Life: Seek the Win-Win

In his book The 7 Habits, Stephen R. Covey puts #4: Think Win-Win

“There’s plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. An Abundance Mentality involves sharing prestige, recognition, profits, and decision making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity”

(Stephen R. Covey).

In most dispute – whether a minor argument or a major relational conflict – it is possible to find a solution that benefits both sides. When I set out to fight and defeat my opponent, I end up expending a great deal of energy and resources on destroying rather than on creating maximum value. Moreover, entering a dispute with a win-lose approach often leads to a similar approach being adopted by the other party. As a result, both of us may end up losing.

When I show goodwill and a desire to help, I invite similar behaviour from the other. When we put our joint resources, our mind and heart, to the task of increasing the benefits to the individual and the group, we stand a better chance of success – for all who are involved. The pleasure of winning when the other side loses is short-lived; the joy of a win-win outcome lasts a great deal longer, and often creates the basis for yet another round of positive experiences.

The next time you (and I have to remind myself very strongly because I’m naturally a very competitive person) interact with someone, whether the context is a cooperative or a ministerial or a competitive one, think about how you can both benefit, how you can both win.

Don’t focus on defeating the other

Seek the win-win

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey (New York: Free Press, 2004)

Change Your Life: Experience Your Work as a Calling

Don't like your job?
1) Find work that is meaningful, or
2) Find something meaningful in your work

“This is the true joy in life –
being used for a purpose, recognized by yourself as a mighty one”

(George Bernard Shaw)

We spend a good part of our working hours at work, and yet many people derive little meaning from what occupies them for several thousand hours each year. If we do not experience a sense of purpose in our work, we can choose to do one of two things (aside from resigning ourselves to being unhappy): find work that is meaningful or find something meaningful in our work.

We don’t all have the luxury of having the perfect job – the one that reflects our values, where we work only with people we like, and whose atmosphere precisely suits our temperament. But even if we do not find ourselves in that ideal setting, we have a great deal of choice as to how we experience our daily work. Whether as a CEO or a salesman, an investment banker or a community organizer, a minister or a manager, a janitor or a cleaner – not complete control, perhaps, but some – over what elements of our work we focus on, and consequently, on how we experience our working life.

We can, for example, remind ourselves how our work is making a difference in other people’s lives; we can focus on the elements that we find exciting and interesting, the meaningful interactions that we have with colleagues and customers; or we can appreciate the opportunity our work gives us to develop or expand our professional skills. If we can find no inherent value in our current occupation, we can tell ourselves that our work is our current occupation, we can tell ourselves that our work provides for us and for those we care about, or that it enables us to engage in meaningful activities after hours.

Researchers have found that those who made the choice, conscious or not, to see their work as merely a job, were less happy, were less satisfied with their life, than were their colleagues who viewed what they did a calling. “Even in the most restricted and routine jobs,” the study concluded, “employees can exert some influence on what is the essence of their work.”

Don’t treat the work you do as a job,

Experience your work as a calling.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. The Path to Purpose: How Young People Find Their Calling in Life by D. William (New York: Free Press, 2009).

Change Your Life: Think and Act Purposefully

“Rumination inevitably backfires. It merely compounds our misery.

It’s a heroic attempt to solve a problem that it is just not capable of solving”

(Mark Williams)

We often ruminate about a problem we face, obsessively playing and replaying the scenario in our mind. We tend to believe that rumination will help us overcome discomfort or unhappiness, but in fact replaying the scenario over and over in our mind usually makes things worse. In the words of psychologist Mark Williams and his colleagues, “Rumination is part of the problem, not part of the solution.” On the other hand, purposeful thinking – whether through writing in a journal or verbalizing our thoughts – is a much better way of dealing with psychological and emotional challenges. Purposeful action – actually doing something that could make us feel better – is a lot more helpful than allowing chaotic and usually very negative thinking to wreak havoc on our emotions.

Do this: Instead of focusing on the helplessness of your situation, which gets you nowhere, you could choose to engage in an activity that will help you feel better as well as perform better. Begin by creating a personal blog or/and writing your thoughts and feelings about the situation. Writing will help you feel better, and the clarity you reach will help you commit to taking concrete steps toward meeting the challenges you face today.

Don’t obsessively replay a scenario,

Think and act purposefully.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012)

2. The Mindful Way Through Depression: Feeling Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness by J.M.G. Williams (New York: The Guilford Press, 2007).

Change Your Life: Be Mindful of the Wonder

“Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the earth
are never alone or weary of life” (Rachel Carson).

What we see in the world around us is to a large extent a matter of choice. Do we take time every day to look, really look, at things? To find the beauty, or the humour, or the charm, or the mystery in them? When driving car to work or better at traffic light, do we stare aimlessly out the window, or do we make an effort to look at the colour of the sky, the shapes of the clouds? Do we look closely enough to allow ourselves to be delighted by the funny little dog trotting along the sidewalk? Or to feel sympathy, or admiration, or sadness when we watch an elderly woman walking slowly and carefully out her front door?

It is natural to be preoccupied by our own thoughts, or to be lulled into not noticing all that is around us while we do routine errands. And there is nothing wrong in daydreaming from time to time (in fact is it good). But the more we can be mindful of what we are doing as we doing it, the healthier and happier we will be.

Mindfulness is a choice, and it is something we can practice: When our mind wanders – whether while eating, doing the dishes, writing a report, or walking to our car – we can gently shift our focus back to the wonders that are everywhere to be found.

I like what Helen Keller (she lost her sight and hearing when she was 19 months old as a result of an illness) noted in her essay, Three Days to See:

“I who am blind can give one hint to those who see – one admonition to those who would make full use of the gift of sight: Use your eyes as if tomorrow you would be stricken blind… Hear the music of voices, the song of the bird, the mighty strains of an orchestra, as if you would be stricken deaf tomorrow. Touch each object you want to touch as if tomorrow your tactile sense would fail. Smell the perfume of flowers, taste with relish each morsel, as if tomorrow you could never smell and taste again. Make the most of every sense: glory in all the facets of pleasure and beauty which the world reveals to you.”

Don’t overlook life’s treasures,

Be mindful of the wonder.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012)

2. Full Catastrophe Living” Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness by J. Kabat-Zinn (New York: Delta, 1990)

Nurture Creativity: Read Widely like Google Search, Read Purposefully like Playing Archery

“Reading remains an unsurpassed vehicle for

the transmission of interesting new ideas and perspectives”

(Steven Johnson, TED Talks)

During my school time, there were three things that I hate in the world most: English language, writing and reading. Now strangely as it sound (and thankfully), I love all of them. I figure it out that if I want to grow I must challenge myself, keep pushing and do what I initially hate doing because I know that it is worth my investment, energy and time. Each and every one of us has the potential to grow. It's just a matter of practice and doing it regularly. In this way, we train ourselves to be more useful and – creative.

So now I love reading. One of the ways you can be more creative is by reading on a very wide range of subjects. Not just any reading will do, though. Blog posts, short articles, magazines, websites, newspapers and the like are all a fun diversion and beneficial, but they simply won’t turn on your creative juices as effective as the way good selective books will. “The reading which counts,” said Leon Gutterman, “is the reading which, in making a man think, stirs and exercises and polishes the edge of his mind.”

Let me give you an advice: you can learn anything, but you can’t read everything. So pick your subjects with a sense of purpose. For example, one of my goals this year is to write a book on creativity, so I should stuff my brain more by focus reading on the subject of creativity, innovations, ideas, arts, inventions, history and biographies/autobiographies of creative minds. Of course, insights and inspirations may come from other sources too. That’s for sure. So read widely (like Google search) and read purposefully (like playing archery). Randomly and focus reading. Both. 

Here are why reading can boost your creativity: Reading will:

§  Stimulate, nourish and broaden your mind (stagnant thinking is dangerous)

§  Help you to think out of the box (look at the things from a different perspective)

§  Add knowledge that can be used to spark ideas

§  Develop your vocabulary (especially for creative writings)

§  Enhance concentration and discipline (focus, focus, focus)

§  Sharpen language and communication skills (boring people are generally non-readers)

§  Helps you to think and gain more ideas from others

§  Improve your imagination (better than watching movies!)

§  Release your stress level and help you to relax

§  Build self-esteem, positive thinking and confidence (except when you read ghost stories)

§  Put you in the range of highly effective people all over the world (most successful people are readers)

§  Ignite your passion to read more. Reading is fun once you get into the habit (Fun = creative state).

§  Reading books, especially, will change your life!

“To learn to read is to light a fire; every syllable that is spelled out is a spark.” (Victor Hugo)

So, read widely like Google search and read purposefully like playing archery.

God, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)