Secret of the Millionaire Mind: Wealth File #12 Rich People Think "Both"; Poor People Think "Either/Or"

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by T. Harv Eker’s Secret of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth (2005) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

Wealth File #12:

Rich People Think “Both.”

Poor People Think “Either/Or.”

As Harv Eker puts it, rich people live in a world of abundance, poor people live in a world of limitations. Many believe money and happiness are mutually exclusive, that either you can be rich or you can be happy. Again, this is nothing more than “poor” mentality programming. Do you want a successful career or a close relationship with your family? Seriously, think about it. What do you choose? The poor* will choose one. But why? Why you need to choose between the two? Why not both? The rich – the wise ones, of course – choose both. Be smart and choose both!

Do you want to focus on business or have fun and play? Both! Do you want money or meaning in your life? Both! Do you want to be rich or happy? Both! I choose both! You see, poor people always choose one. Poor people* feel that there is not enough and you can’t have everything. There is truth in that. Rich people, on the other hand, think there is plenty for everybody and you can have everything you truly want. You can’t have everything but you can have what you want. It’s possible. Poor people believe in scarcity; rich people believe in abundance. The difference couldn’t be bigger! Do you have to choose between wealth and happiness? No, of course not! Money is important and happiness is important. You can have both. Eker puts it in proper perspective: “Money enables you to ‘slide’ through life instead of having to ‘scrape’ by. Money brings freedom.” It can’t give or buy you freedom, but it can bring you freedom and make you smile.

Harv Eker writes, “If I can be an example for anything, it would be that you can be a kind, loving, caring, generous, and spiritual person and be really frickin’ rich… My friends, being kind, generous, and loving has nothing to do with what is or isn’t in your wallet. Those attributes come from what is in your heart.” Did you hear (or to be exact, read) that? It’s all about you! There we are again. I already cover this in the previous posts…. Money can’t make you someone you already are. You are who you are no matter what is or isn’t inside your wallet or bank account. So, you can be happy and you can be rich! You can choose both – I choose both. Yes, we can. Life is abundance. Yeah!

[*I need to note that the Harv Eker makes it clear in this book that he does not mean to degrade poor people. He does not think that rich people are better than poor or middle-class people. They’re just richer.]

I Have A Millionaire Mind!

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: Happiness Is A Problem (Chapter 2 Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life (2016) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“Dissatisfaction and unease are inherent parts of human nature
and necessary components to creating consistent happiness.”
(Mark Manson)

                                       

The second chapter starts off with the story of a prince whose father decided to shield him from all human suffering – to keep him within the confines of the palace grounds and surrounded by luxury; so far away from the poor and hungry that he never even knew they existed. One day the prince discovered what his father had done and was horrified by the state of the world he found outside his pain-free, problem-free bubble. So, the prince began to believe that he could achieve happiness by stripping himself of all of his worldly pleasures, and then replacing those luxuries with a life full of suffering.

But that didn’t work either.

Eventually this prince became known as the Buddha, and his philosophy – that pain and loss are an inherent part of the human existence and shouldn’t be resisted – swept across the globe and continues to be widely practiced today. The actionable insight here is this: We can choose happiness every day of our lives, rather than imagining that we will eventually, someday, be happy. So, pause for just a moment – right here and right now – and make a deliberate decision that, from here on out, you will defeat “someday syndrome” by choosing to be happy right now. Stop saying, “someday I’ll be happy when I can get X or do Y,” and that you will instead start choosing to be happy right now – on a moment to moment basis – regardless of what’s going on in your life.

Discover happiness through the process of consistently solving your problems.

Don’t Give A F*ck!

How to Choose Optimism #6 Don't Believe It Was Better Before ('Carpe Diem')

Being optimistic means living in the present without constantly encumbering ourselves with the idea that it was better before or that happiness will come later. Said French philosopher Andre Comte-Sponville, “There is no point in hoping for what one doesn’t have without enjoying what one does have.” By not being fully in the moment we may miss satisfying experiences.

It is a philosophy of happiness. It’s in the here and now, in the carpe diem (‘seize the day’) of the ancients, that you should learn from your failures and successes, improve yourself, not pass up opportunity and, of course, never put things off. What you do today determines what will happen tomorrow. Your decisions and actions influence your tomorrow in some way. So, if you want to have more success, a better relationship, a healthier body, or anything else, then make the most of today and do the things that will help you get where you want to be…

…don’t believe it was better before

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

How to Choose Optimism #3 Maintain Your Desire to Learn

Pessimists lack curiosity. They miss opportunities to discover something new, to meet someone new, to read new books. On the other hand, optimists are curious about almost everything. Curiosity is the cornerstone of knowledge. The desire to learn is a way of controlling our ego, the temptation to think, “I know it all.” Acquiring skills, including technical ones, broadens our horizon and makes us happier.

Progressing rewards us for our efforts, counterbalancing setbacks and frustrations. Make great discoveries or set yourself small challenges. The crucial thing is to remain alert.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

How to Choose Optimism #1 Cultivate Positive Thinking

It’s better for our health to seek positive emotions – affection, joy, satisfaction. The links between the heart and brain are well established. A single positive thought can trigger beneficial neurotransmitters and hormones. Oxytocin is the hormone of love, pleasure and orgasm. Serotonin regulates our mood positively. Dopamine stimulates and encourages us. A thought, look or smile is enough to bring down our blood pressure, and make us feel better.

Test these scientific principles. When you wake up, dwell a moment on a dream, or something pleasant. When you arrive at work, forget your dreadful journey or the bad weather. Share something positive. When a friend or college look at you, smile and say hi or wave. In these moments, you’ll feel your face relax and a good mood take hold.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Change Your Life: Perceive Hardship as Temporary

“Whatever comes, this too shall pass away.”
(Ella Wheeler Wilcox)

Our life is not free from sorrow and suffering. Even the happiest person in the world experiences sadness, disappointment, anger, and frustration. The difference between happy and unhappy people is not whether they experience painful emotions – everyone does – but how they approach these emotions and how they interpret their experiences.

People who are unhappy tend to believe that painful emotions are here to stay – which, of course, they are more likely to if this is their expectation. By contrast, happy people know that painful emotions – like all emotions – are temporary, and this expectation tends to liberate them from their unpleasant experience.

When we choose to perceive painful experiences as they truly are – as temporary and fleeting – then we allow them to take their natural course. Just as these emotions arrived naturally, so they will naturally depart.  

Don’t perceive hardship as permanent,

Perceive hardship as temporary.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 Reference: Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!)

Change Your Life: Bring Humour and Lightness to Life

“A person without a sense of humour is like a wagon without springs.

It’s jolted by every pebble on the road” (Henry Ward Beecher)

I read psychologists use the term cognitive reconstruction to describe our ability to look at a situation from different perspectives. In difficult times and in tough situations it can be beneficial for us to look at things from a new angle, including seeing the humorous element – the lighter and brighter side – of our troubles. Of course, there are times when solemnity and gravity are the appropriate response, but more often than not we take ourselves – and life in general – too seriously, and we miss out on the comical and the playfulness of life. I personally think that Jesus was also a humorous and fun person to be with. If He was a serious man all the time, why do you think that children were drawn to him and wanted to be around him?

“After God created the world, He made man and woman,” writes Guillermo Mordillo, “Then, to keep the whole thing from collapsing, He invented humour.” Gordon W. Allport said, “So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter.” Regaining that spark of laughter and fun that we may have lost long time ago will make life more pleasant, contribute to our psychological and physical health, and will, of course – make us more pleasant to be around. “Anyone without a sense of humour is at the mercy of everyone else” (William Rotsler).

Don’t treat life with solemnity and gravity,

Bring humour and lightness to life.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. Exuberance: The Passion for Life by K.R. Jamison (New York: Vintage, 2005).

Change Your Life: Express and Reveal (Stop Pretending)

“Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness,

but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, or belonging, or love”

(Brene Brown)

To express myself – to openly share my thoughts and feelings – is to risk being rejected and hurt by others. But choosing not to express myself and to hide behind a façade, no matter how impressive that façade is, is a form of self-rejection that leads to unhappiness and discontent. While it is the case that if I am true to myself others may not like what they see, it is certain that if I constantly put on a show, eventually I will not like myself.

Putting on a façade is often an indicator of low self-esteem. But far from being a fix for the problem, pretending to be someone I am not has the effect, over time, of lowering my self-esteem. Moreover, even if others like what they see when I put on a show, it is not me that they like, but the person I am pretending to be. When I choose the real over the unreal, the authentic over the inauthentic – when I express rather than impress – I no longer apologize for who I am. I allow my inner light in Christ to shine.

Rather than constantly being concerned about whether my love would be appreciated, I give love first. Rather than concerning myself about how I would be perceived, I was authentic – willing to let go of who I thought (or who people thought) I should be in order to be who I am, who God made me to be. Rather than hide my vulnerabilities and imperfections, I’m willing to express and reveal them.

Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, to let go of the mask of perfection, is very hard. Vulnerability comes at a price – it can hurt a lot! But this cost is negligible compared to the cost we pay when we suppress part of our humanity. When we do not allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we are also supressing our joy and happiness and the potential to cultivate deep and meaningful connections in our life. Can you open up a little more, reveal part of your true self? Go on, be vulnerable, and be real!

Don’t always impress and conceal
Express and reveal. Stop pretending!

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. The Courage to Teach: Exploring the Inner Landscape of a Teacher’s Life, 10^th Anniversary Edition by P.J. Palmer (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2007).

Nurture Creativity: Mixing with Like-Minded Creative People

Like laughter, creativity is contagious. There’s nothing like mixing with creative people to nurture your own creativity. Jenny Hare, writer of Unlock Your Creativity, explains, “[Mixing with creative people] is a kind of alchemy – as though your creative souls sparkle in the air separately at first as you recognize a common creative flair, and then are magnetized to each other and dance together for a while. Ideas flow and you both feel uplifted and energized, and when you part you look forward eagerly to riding on the wave of creativity you’ve mutually started.” It sound very lofty at first as you read this, but when you really have found like-minded people that you long to be with, you just can’t wait to come back to “dance together” again.

Even though I love to hangout alone talking to myself (it’s a real fun way to discover deep hidden thoughts inside my head), I understand that I also need to mix with people, especially with like-minded creative people. For example, I once attended a motivational talk seminars by Dr. Peter Chee, president and CEO of ITD world, at Damansara. The attendees are a diverse community of bright, caring, supportive, open-minded people who are generous with their time, their learning, and their attention. It's also a great group of creative people. We had teachers, artists, university students, business people, nurses, pharmacists, author and a retiree. We were like-minded in a way that we are hunger for success in life and pursuit for continuous learning. I was struck by how simply spending time with people in a variety of other creative endeavours re-sparked my own creative juices. I found myself being more curious, more open, more optimistic, more interested and more interesting – all as a result of attending the seminar and interacting with like-minded creative people.

One of the basic tenets of creativity is to do things differently, and to do different things. So if you need to reignite your creativity, do something completely new. A simply broadening your horizons by mixing with like-minded creative people will also broaden your mind. Thus, try something new today. Here are my suggestions. Look for communities within the things you liked to do. Ask your friends or check Facebook groups (social media are great tools to find community). You will make numerous friends and strong connections from these communities. Meet people at different places such as conferences, seminars, talks or class. If you’re an activist like my colleague, then join the peaceful rally. If you love to make a difference in your community, join others to volunteer for something others might find intimidating; homeless assistance or elder care for example. You will meet people who are made of sterner stuff, and you might just learn some more about yourself. When I say mixing with like-minded people it doesn’t mean that they have to have a dozen of common hobbies or interests like you, but one or two will do. Share ideas, having fun together and mutual encouragements is the point.

“Meeting with other creative people in a mutually encouraging atmosphere is a great tonic

for your soul as well as your creativity” (Jenny Hare)

Plus, mixing with like-minded creative people also can effects your happiness,

inspirations and sense of belonging.

God, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)