12 Rules for Life #5 Do Not Let Your Children Do Anything that Makes You Dislike Them (Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Jordan B. Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos (2018) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“Modern parents are simply paralyzed by the fear that they will no longer be liked or even loved by their children if they chastise them for any reason. They want their children’s friendship above all and are willing to sacrifice respect to get it. This is not good. A child will have many friends, but only two parents – if that – and parents are more, not less, than friends.”

“If a child has not been taught to behave properly by the age of four, it will forever be difficult for him or her to make friends”

(Jordan B. Peterson)

This is Peterson’s advice for parents, not mine. He said that parents are human beings too, meaning that they are not perfect and they can easily make mistakes which can affect their kids. Parents are not always as nice as they think. People often will take revenge on someone who messes them up, even on their own children, because it happens unconsciously. You might think, “Oh this is impossible, I’d never do anything to hurt my kid,” but all people have a “subconscious proclivity for tyranny” deeply rooted within them and that tyranny is more likely to be shown against someone who is much less powerful than you, for example, your children. So hunger, stress, fatigue or even a bad day at work are more than enough to make you lose your temper and become unreasonable over your children.

Peterson states some principles on the disciplinary procedure. #1 Parents should limit the rules, and #2 Use the least possible force to enforce them. They also #3 Need to understand how much they should be harsh, vengeful, arrogant, resentful or angry each time in front of their kids. Parents are somewhat of “proxies for the real world” who will teach and prepare their children to be socially desirable for the world outside [You can learn more about this Rule #5 in this YouTube video, CLICK HERE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krfhpUrE6ys&feature=youtu.be]

Children Absolutely Need Guidance from Parents so They can Thrive.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People #7 Sharpen The Saw

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by late Stephen R. Covey, writer of the most-effective personal development book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change (first published 1989). One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Grow!

Suppose you were to come upon your neighbor in his garden working feverishly to saw down a tree. “What are you doing?” you ask. “Can’t you see?” comes the impatient reply, “I’m sowing down this tree.” “You look exhausted!” you exclaim. “How long have you been at it?” “Over five hours,” he returns, “and I’m super tired! This is hard work.” “Well, why you don’t break for a few minutes and sharpen the saw? I’m sure it would go a lot faster and easier,” you inquire. “I don’t have time to sharpen the saw,” the man says emphatically. “I’m too busy sawing!”

“Habit 7 is taking time to Sharpen the Saw,” Covey writes. “It surrounds the other habits on the Seven Habits paradigm because it is the habit that makes all the others possible.” He also claims that a person’s nature consists of four (4) dimensions: Physical, Spiritual, Mental, and Social/Emotional. In order to be effective, we must invest some time to renew these dimensions so we can increase our potential in practicing each habit.

Physical Dimension Focuses on improving your health by exercising your body, eating the right kind of foods, and get sufficient rest and relaxation. This way you develop Habit 1 (Be Proactive) muscles of proactivity. The paradigm of yourselves, your self-esteem, your self-confidence and your integrity will be profoundly affected.

Spiritual Dimension Focuses on renewing your spirit by providing leadership to your life. This one develops Habit 2 (Begin With End In Mind). It is your core, your center and your commitment to your value system. For example, by reading, meditating or communicating with nature, you feel renewed, strengthened, centered, and recommitted to serve.

Mental Dimension Focuses on renewing your mental health by continually expanding your mind. This dimension develops Habit 3 (Put First Things First). It is a fact that most of our mental development and study discipline comes through formal education. After it’s finished we don’t explore new subjects and we often become victims of the media and the values taught through them. Wisdom in watching the media requires the effective self-management of Habit 3, which enables you to discriminate and to select the informing, inspiring, and entertaining programs which best serve and express your purpose and values.

Social/Emotional Dimension Focuses on renewing yourself socially by developing meaningful relationships. This dimension helps you to practice Habit, 4, 5, and 6 (Think Win-Win; Seek First to Understand; Synergize) by interacting with other people, finding win-win solutions to your issues, understanding others and synergizing by finding mutually beneficial third alternatives.

Last but not least, BALANCE is the key. As Covey states, “the self-renewal process must include balanced renewal in all four dimensions of our nature: the physical, the spiritual, the mental, and the social/emotional. Although renewal in each dimension is important, it only becomes optimally effective as we deal with all four dimensions in a wise and balanced way. To neglect any one area negatively impacts the rest.”

Sharpen the Saw! Increase Each Habit Potentials!

Change Your Life: Love and Respect Those Close to You

Watch Fast & Furious movies sometime, they value family together (minus guns and explosions)

“Respect is love in plain clothes”
(Frankie Byrne)

Often we save our best behaviour for strangers. We tend to take greater liberties (I mean taking for granted) with those who are closest to us – those who care about us most and about whom we care – than we do with total strangers. We may say painful and hurtful things to family members; we may act hostile to our partner or best friend. Although we may feel intimate and shared long history with them (no worthwhile relationship is going to be free from hurt and pain), there is no excuse for us to show hostility, insults or contempt.  

When I was a child, I often think that my parents are perfect. The same thing happens when I fall in love. But at some point, reality set in, and I discovered that my parents – including those that I loved – is human, just like everyone on earth! And then, whether it’s because of the disappointment or because we know their shortcomings so intimately – we attack them more than we do other people. This is not right! I learned that instead of focusing on my parents’ imperfections and weaknesses, I need to focus on those traits that I admire and appreciate in them, and treat them with love and respect.

I propose a slightly modified version of Golden Rule, namely: Do not do unto those close to you what you would not have done unto others (who are not close to you). We can get angry and upset, we can be disappointed and hurt, but if we want our relationships to flourish over time, we must treat those we love with at least as much respect as we do those we have just met.

Don’t simply insults and disrespect those close to you,

Learn to love and respect those whom you care the most.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Story of Idea #4: How Mark Zurkerberg Passed his Exam by Using the Internet

“Founded in 2004, Facebook’s mission is to make the world more open and connected.

People use Facebook to stay connected with friends and family,

to discover what’s going on in the world, and to share and express what matters to them”

(Facebook’s Mission Statement since 2012)

Currently I’m reading Don Tapscott’s Grown Up Digital (a great book indeed!) and he told a story about Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg. In January 2004, Zuckerberg had a real-life version of a common nightmare. He was facing his first round of exams at Harvard University and he hadn’t studied or read anything the professor has assigned for a first-year art history course called Rome of Augustus. Zuckerberg hadn’t even gone to class during the term. He was too busy creating a cool computer program called Facebook that would help students get to know one another and share information. Now, a few days before the exam, Zuckerberg was, in his words, “just completely screwed.”

But he had an idea, straight out of twenty-first century computer science. He created a Web site and put pictures from the course on it, with a little discussion beside each picture. Maybe the other students could help out by filling in the blanks. Within 24 hours, Zuckerberg’s classmates helped out alright, with notes so cogent that everyone, Zuckerberg included, passed the test with flying colours. And according to Zuckerberg, the professor didn’t see it as cheating. Instead, he was “really pleased” to see the students collaborate in such a creative fashion.

After acing his art history test, Zuckerberg returned to his school project, Facebook, which has since become one of the most popular social networking sites in the world; on it, friends and acquaintances keep up with each other’s news. Zuckerberg know how to use social network and the Internet alright. He know how and why is it for, namely, to use it to connect and share information, to find and collaborate on projects or ideas of mutual interest. Do you know how to use social network and the Internet for good cause? Learn from Zuck. These are his and his team original ideas.

God, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s).

Nurture Creativity: Mixing with Like-Minded Creative People

Like laughter, creativity is contagious. There’s nothing like mixing with creative people to nurture your own creativity. Jenny Hare, writer of Unlock Your Creativity, explains, “[Mixing with creative people] is a kind of alchemy – as though your creative souls sparkle in the air separately at first as you recognize a common creative flair, and then are magnetized to each other and dance together for a while. Ideas flow and you both feel uplifted and energized, and when you part you look forward eagerly to riding on the wave of creativity you’ve mutually started.” It sound very lofty at first as you read this, but when you really have found like-minded people that you long to be with, you just can’t wait to come back to “dance together” again.

Even though I love to hangout alone talking to myself (it’s a real fun way to discover deep hidden thoughts inside my head), I understand that I also need to mix with people, especially with like-minded creative people. For example, I once attended a motivational talk seminars by Dr. Peter Chee, president and CEO of ITD world, at Damansara. The attendees are a diverse community of bright, caring, supportive, open-minded people who are generous with their time, their learning, and their attention. It's also a great group of creative people. We had teachers, artists, university students, business people, nurses, pharmacists, author and a retiree. We were like-minded in a way that we are hunger for success in life and pursuit for continuous learning. I was struck by how simply spending time with people in a variety of other creative endeavours re-sparked my own creative juices. I found myself being more curious, more open, more optimistic, more interested and more interesting – all as a result of attending the seminar and interacting with like-minded creative people.

One of the basic tenets of creativity is to do things differently, and to do different things. So if you need to reignite your creativity, do something completely new. A simply broadening your horizons by mixing with like-minded creative people will also broaden your mind. Thus, try something new today. Here are my suggestions. Look for communities within the things you liked to do. Ask your friends or check Facebook groups (social media are great tools to find community). You will make numerous friends and strong connections from these communities. Meet people at different places such as conferences, seminars, talks or class. If you’re an activist like my colleague, then join the peaceful rally. If you love to make a difference in your community, join others to volunteer for something others might find intimidating; homeless assistance or elder care for example. You will meet people who are made of sterner stuff, and you might just learn some more about yourself. When I say mixing with like-minded people it doesn’t mean that they have to have a dozen of common hobbies or interests like you, but one or two will do. Share ideas, having fun together and mutual encouragements is the point.

“Meeting with other creative people in a mutually encouraging atmosphere is a great tonic

for your soul as well as your creativity” (Jenny Hare)

Plus, mixing with like-minded creative people also can effects your happiness,

inspirations and sense of belonging.

God, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Nurture Creativity: Take More Time Offline

“Oh, it's sunny outside. I better update my Facebook status

for all of my friends that don't have windows” (Unknown)

Most of life is offline. Eating food and watching movies. Sleeping and bathing. Drinking coffee and reading books. All these daily activities are crucial for developing our creativity. I’m not telling you to stop online but asking you to spend more significant time offline. For me, I don’t check Facebook and email all the time (with exceptions). I try to limit my Facebook and social media time to one hour or less per day, and check e-mail once or twice daily except on Sunday (sometime I simply don’t check for few days!). I know a lot of bosses demands that their employees check email all weekend, but thanks God my boss is cool (so far).

You see, if you take more time offline, you can have more time to do something else. You will have more time to read book or magazine, more space to interact with people personally, you can take a break and pause from the desire to always online, you can observe – nature and people – around you, smell the flower, more time to play and exercise, etc. All these are human way of getting more creative. I think Marilyn Monroe says it well, “Creativity has got to start with humanity and when you're a human being, you feel, you suffer. You're gay, you're sick, you're nervous or whatever.” And – you will fail too, in relationship, business, project, games. Remember, human being makes mistake and failure, and failure is an essential aspect of creativity.

Take more time offline, be human again.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

How-To Generate Ideas #2: Break Out of Your Normal Circles

“New people don't know all your thought patterns and old stories,

so you'll have to revisit your existing inner monologues.

The refreshing perspectives will help to surface new thinking

and possibly a lightning bolt or two” (Kevin Daum)

To spend a lot of time with the same people every day everywhere can get you in a thinking rut, fixed, usual, common and sometime – boring. “Always” is always an enemy of creativity. I’m not against normal fellowship or friendship, but I encourage you to expand it further. Same people with new friends are good. Getting to know your colleagues’ family is much deeper and rich. Hang out with people on the street or talk with strangers at the Kuching Waterfront will expand your views about life.

Take advantage of everyone that you know or want to know and connect with them. Choose someone who are different from you and start some exciting conversations. Chat with them on Facebook, Twitter, etc. Who know, as you talk, listen and think the casual conversations can help to surface new ideas to you. Try it!

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)