12 Rules for Life #11 Don't Bother Children When They Are Skateboarding (Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Jordan B. Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos (2018) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“If you think tough men are dangerous, wait until you see what weak men are capable of”

(Jordan Peterson)

This rule is essentially about masculinity (you might not agree with me). Peterson tells us that when children do all kinds of this crazy stuff on skateboards and handrails (or in Malaysia, play in the rain or at the playground or outside the house yard), we should let them be. Of course, it might be dangerous but it’s important for them to develop masculinity, competence, take risk and face danger. Normally, a lot of rebellious behavior in school is called “toxic masculinity” but Peterson believes that the benefits are bigger than the probably problematic situations.

When people are untrammeled and feel encouraged, they prefer to live in the edge. By living this way, they can be confident in their experience and confront chaos that helps them develop and grow. They’re made for that reason, to enjoy risk (some of them more than others). Besides, if they are overprotected, they will fail when something dangerous or unexpected will suddenly occur, which inevitably will happen sometime – eventually. So why not let them develop toughness? 

Let them Play... Dangerously

12 Rules for Life #5 Do Not Let Your Children Do Anything that Makes You Dislike Them (Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Jordan B. Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos (2018) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“Modern parents are simply paralyzed by the fear that they will no longer be liked or even loved by their children if they chastise them for any reason. They want their children’s friendship above all and are willing to sacrifice respect to get it. This is not good. A child will have many friends, but only two parents – if that – and parents are more, not less, than friends.”

“If a child has not been taught to behave properly by the age of four, it will forever be difficult for him or her to make friends”

(Jordan B. Peterson)

This is Peterson’s advice for parents, not mine. He said that parents are human beings too, meaning that they are not perfect and they can easily make mistakes which can affect their kids. Parents are not always as nice as they think. People often will take revenge on someone who messes them up, even on their own children, because it happens unconsciously. You might think, “Oh this is impossible, I’d never do anything to hurt my kid,” but all people have a “subconscious proclivity for tyranny” deeply rooted within them and that tyranny is more likely to be shown against someone who is much less powerful than you, for example, your children. So hunger, stress, fatigue or even a bad day at work are more than enough to make you lose your temper and become unreasonable over your children.

Peterson states some principles on the disciplinary procedure. #1 Parents should limit the rules, and #2 Use the least possible force to enforce them. They also #3 Need to understand how much they should be harsh, vengeful, arrogant, resentful or angry each time in front of their kids. Parents are somewhat of “proxies for the real world” who will teach and prepare their children to be socially desirable for the world outside [You can learn more about this Rule #5 in this YouTube video, CLICK HERE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krfhpUrE6ys&feature=youtu.be]

Children Absolutely Need Guidance from Parents so They can Thrive.

Let Children be Children: 6 Common Creative Killers

Many parents try to be perfect, but sometimes their best intentions can backfire without them even realizing it. Based on Victoria Wilson’s book Boost Your Child’s Creativity (2010), here are 6 common habits which can stifle child’s desire and ability to be creative:

Creative Killer #1: Helping

Young children often find it frustrating when they are learning something new. They can’t quite work out how to make their tree look right, or they hold the pen the wrong way up. But it pays dividends to sit back and let them carry on with whatever they are trying to do. If you insist on showing them exactly how to draw a tree, you’re denying them the opportunity to find their own way of drawing it, and to experiment and learn things on their own. You’re also inadvertently setting them up for failure – their tree isn’t going to be as good as yours, they are not going to be able to use pen as easily as you. This can make them feel even more frustrated. Your child will only gain confidence if you give them the opportunity to prove to themselves they can do somethings without your help.

Creative Killer #2: The Wrong Toys

Most houses have them, they toys with bright colours, flashing lights, a variety of songs and perhaps some Beethoven to help them learn the alphabet. Toys like these are fun, and have their benefits, but in terms of encouraging your child to be imaginative, they are creativity killers. Children really do stretch their imaginations further if they are making up their own songs, or playing with a cardboard cut-out sword rather than a flashing light sabre.

Creative Killer #3: Deciding What is Right and Wrong

 By telling a child the ‘right’ way to paint the rainbow, or that it’s ‘wrong’ when they bang all the keys on the piano at once, you are limiting your child’s early experiments. Picasso’s cubist artwork did not fit with the aesthetic standards of conventional art at the time and modern classical music might seem out of key and harsh to most listeners. Yet art and music critics have come to applaud these expressions of creativity which fall outside the norm by conventional standards. Creativity is all about thinking outside the normal rules and dreaming up new ways of doing things. This is exactly what your child is doing when he draws the world upside down or when she colours the sea pink.

Creative Killer #4: Planning Their Time

Children definitely need routine and structure in their day, but do be wary of planning your child’s time too rigidly. Try to allow time each day for ‘unstructured play’ where your child can choose his or her own activities freely and, where possible, be a little flexible in cancelling other scheduled activities if your child is really involved in what they are doing. If your child is thoroughly absorbed, they are probably contented and learning a good deal.

Creative Killer #5: Right Answer Syndrome

Children love to do things well and win approval, but beware of cultivating a need in your child to get things ‘right.’ One of the key traits of creative people is that they are good at ‘divergent thinking’, which means they can suggest lots of different potential answers of solutions to a puzzle or question. Of course, sometimes there is only one right answer. But try to present your child with situations and tests where they can learn that sometimes there are lots of different correct answers, and that different people’s responses are all equally valid.

Creative Killer #6: Competition

There is fierce debate amongst the educationalists about whether competition is good for children. When it comes to creativity, however, studies such as those by Professor Teresa Amabile at Brandeis University suggest that competition can negatively influence creativity. Competition automatically infers that judgement is being made over the creative product, which can make the child less willing to take risks and be inventive. In addition, Amabile and many other psychologists argue that children should be encouraged to enjoy creativity simply because it is an enjoyable and fulfilling process, not as a means to win contests or rewards. Much research suggests that rewarding a child simply for doing something creative eventually lessens their interest in doing creative activities for which they are not rewarded.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

How to Nurture Your Child to Be Creative #5 Praise the Process, Not the Results

If your child runs to you proudly presenting a new painting or model they’ve made, it’s any parent’s natural instinct to offer praise. However, over-enthusiastic praise can be unhelpful. Studies carried out by psychologist Professor Wulf-Uwe Meyer from the University of Bielefeld, Germany, reveal that from a very young age children are very cynical about whether praise is genuine or not. His studies found that by the time they reach primary school, children can become cynical to the point where they no longer really believe any praise and therefore truly genuine appreciation begins to lose its value.

So, it is vital to focus on praising the creative process rather than the creative product. Well respected studies by psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck, author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, suggest that we should take care to praise the effort and the process of doing the work, rather than commenting on the results. This will help your child understand that their creative work will become better with practise. “For example, tell them you really love the colours they chose in this painting, or that you know how hard they worked on their guitar practice to make that song sound so beautiful,” says Dweck. Dweck also revealed that if you focus on praising the process in a sensitive yet honest way, your child is far more likely to feel confident in the creative work they do, to recover (more quickly) from setbacks and better enjoy what they are doing. “Ultimately the way you praise doesn’t just affect how confident your child is,” says Dweck, “but also how intelligent or skilled they will become.”

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

How to Nurture Your Child to Be Creative #1 Let Them Lead the Play

Latest research suggests that although it’s good for us to provide interesting objects and materials for children to play with, and to be on hand to help and play with your child, your child will be happier and more creative if you allow time for unstructured play – in other words, you sometimes need to take a step back and let your child decide what they want to do.

Your child will need access to resources to encourage play and so it is a good idea to set out several different toys and materials (paper plates, paints, glitter, Lego, etc.) which they can use as and when they wish during their playtime. Because they have initiated the play, they will be more actively engaged in whatever activity they are doing and as a result, they will learn more from it.

Allowing your child to lead their own play is not the easy option. Painting and crafts can certainly be messy and after all your careful preparation you may find you child is more interested in playing with teddy bears. This can be very frustrating, however, remember that your child is going to be more creative if they are making more choices about how they use the resources they’re provided with.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Is Your Child Naturally Creative? Nine Sure Signs that They Are

I believe that creative talents are due to nature (gift) and nurture (learn) at the same time. It is a blend of the two. But some children seem to be outstandingly creative from a very young age. Victoria Wilson in her book Boost Your Child’s Creativity (The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc; 2009) listed nine signs that your child may be creatively gifted or naturally creative:

1)    They’re Often Lost in Daydreams. A vivid imagination, and a love of fantasizing and being playful with thoughts is a strong sign of a creative child.

2)    They Connect Seemingly Random Objects and Ideas in Their Fantasy Play. Of course most children love imaginary play, but a key thing to look out for is if your child connects seemingly random objects or ideas into their play or stories. For example, they are an alien descending to sample the tomato soup on planet Earth, or their pretend horse loves chatting to the flowers on his mobile phone. This ability to make unusual connections is a key trait of very creative children.

3)    They Ask Lots of Unusual Questions. Most children go through a phase of asking ‘Why?’ to everything. But if your child is always asking questions and especially if he or she comes up with very strange, seemingly silly questions such as, ‘What would happen if the sun came back up at night-time?’ or ‘Why don’t apples grow from our fingers?’ it is a strong sign they are very creative. What they are also demonstrating is the ability to rearrange elements of thought to create new ideas and the inclination to question things others take for granted.

4)    They’re Often the Odd One Out; They Don’t Dress or Act the Same Way Others Do. It’s natural for children to want to be accepted by their classmates and friends, but some children will deliberately choose to be the odd one out no matter how much pressure there is to fit in. Often this is simply because they think differently to others, and thinking differently is thinking originally.

5)    They’re Resourceful and Good at Solving Problems. Creative children are, by definition, good problem solvers because they are flexible in the way they think and adapt quickly to different situations. Also, by definition, children who are creative will have lots of ideas and potential solutions to problems.

6)    They Love Playing Alone and Can Entertain Themselves for Long Periods of Time. Of course, children need some organized activities, and there’s even some evidence that a little carefully selected TV can stimulate learning and ideas. But a child who’s naturally able to come up with ideas is usually able to find plenty to occupy him or herself. In fact, it is very hard for children who are shuttled from one arranged activity to another, or put in front of the TV for long periods every day, to be creative.

7)    They’re Often So Absorbed in What They’re Doing, They Don’t Even Hear You. Being utterly absorbed in creative play or activities is to be in what famous psychologist Abraham Maslow labelled a ‘peek experience.’ This is the ability to ‘become lost in the present.’ It’s an important ability, particularly for young children who need constant supervision, because it allows them to free themselves from interaction and interruptions by others, while remaining in their presence, so they can really focus on their own thoughts, feelings and experiences. This is essential for creativity, because it allows children to form individual and original thoughts.

8)    They’re Rebellious. Of course, sometimes this is simply bad behaviour, but the instinct to think for themselves and to be individuals will drive creative children to question parents, teachers and books. It is down to you and your innate knowledge of your own child to determine whether a demand to wear a ballerina costume to bed is an act of creative expression, or a ploy to put off bedtime…

9)    They’re Often Both Extroverts and Introverts. Psychologists have found that very creative people can often be very outgoing and very shy at different times, whereas most of the population are either one or the other.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Change Your Life: Bring Humour and Lightness to Life

“A person without a sense of humour is like a wagon without springs.

It’s jolted by every pebble on the road” (Henry Ward Beecher)

I read psychologists use the term cognitive reconstruction to describe our ability to look at a situation from different perspectives. In difficult times and in tough situations it can be beneficial for us to look at things from a new angle, including seeing the humorous element – the lighter and brighter side – of our troubles. Of course, there are times when solemnity and gravity are the appropriate response, but more often than not we take ourselves – and life in general – too seriously, and we miss out on the comical and the playfulness of life. I personally think that Jesus was also a humorous and fun person to be with. If He was a serious man all the time, why do you think that children were drawn to him and wanted to be around him?

“After God created the world, He made man and woman,” writes Guillermo Mordillo, “Then, to keep the whole thing from collapsing, He invented humour.” Gordon W. Allport said, “So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter.” Regaining that spark of laughter and fun that we may have lost long time ago will make life more pleasant, contribute to our psychological and physical health, and will, of course – make us more pleasant to be around. “Anyone without a sense of humour is at the mercy of everyone else” (William Rotsler).

Don’t treat life with solemnity and gravity,

Bring humour and lightness to life.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. Exuberance: The Passion for Life by K.R. Jamison (New York: Vintage, 2005).

Characteristics of a Creative Person #1: Have a Curiosity and a Childlike Sense of Wonder

“Cultivate your garden. Do not depend upon teachers to educate you…

follow your own bent, pursue your curiosity bravely,

express yourself, make your own harmony” (Will Durant)

There’s a lot of talk these days about reconnecting with the child within us. Whether you agree with the psychological objectives of such a plan, it can’t be argued that children have healthy curiosities. Through a child’s eyes, the world is a fascinating place, constantly full of new discoveries and revelations. In our adult attempt to stay on the grow, what could be better than to re-establish the type of enthusiasm with which a child experiences the world?

With curiosity you are inspired to search for hidden strengths and abilities. With curiosity you are motivated to look beyond your present circumstances for any reason. Thanks God for people like Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Madame Curie, Walt Disney, Albert Einstein and so many others were curious people with a childlike sense of wonder.

If you’ve allowed yourself to become cynical and closed off over the years, it’s time to re-stimulate your curiosity factor. Reading more, travelling, initiating discussions with interesting people you admire and purposefully getting involved in new and unusual activities and hobbies are just a few ways to get you inquisitive juices flowing again. Peter F. Drunker, world’s top management guru, once suggested that you walk away from your situation, bend over and look back between your legs. He contends that once you look at situation backwards and upside down, you’ll have a more functional perspective.

Creative people have a curiosity and a childlike sense of wonder

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

*I recommend you to read Danny Cox and John Hoover’s Seize the Day (Book-mart Press, 1994), “Step Two: Developing Strengths” page 77-118.

Characteristics of Creative Person

Conan O’Brien expresses himself for Fast Company’s Most Creative People issue (June 2011). 

This is funny!

Creative people are idealistic, energetic, confident, independent, thorough, adventurous, child-like, possesses a sense of humour, are perseverance and spontaneous and are risk-takers. Do you possess any one (or more) of these characteristic? If you do, then you are a creative person.

Creative people are independent thinkers. They can work by themselves and are not afraid of what people may say. They transcend accepted patterns of thinking. They do not conform to rules and regulations that restrict their freedom to think and act. They do not follow the crowd. People who are creative are full of energy. They possess a certain characteristic zest and a habit for spontaneous action. Creativity requires energy. Energetic people have the power and stamina to create new ideas, new things and new journeys.

Creative people are more likely to engage in adventurous and stimulating acts such as kayaking, mountain climbing, going places in rural areas or working overseas. They trod the unbeaten path. They have a strong curiosity and urge to understand the world around them and to try almost everything. Hence their wide interests and unusual hobbies. A sense of self-confidence is central to creativity. One cannot create if one is not confident of one’s abilities and capabilities. Self-confidence is not only inborn but it may also be developed through experience and exercise.

People who are creative are also playful and child-like. They have no prejudices and are not tainted by adult notions of what is proper and not proper. They are still full of wonder and are not afraid of criticism and comment. They are not bound by convention. Creative people are non-conformists to some extent. A sense of humour is another attribute of creative people. Humour may lead to great discoveries, invention and artistic creation. A fanciful, playful and excitable state of mind is an important feature of creative thinking and creative thinkers. Developing the ability to see the humorous side of life is a prerequisite to creativity.

A strong sense of perseverance, persistence and unwillingness to give up is another characteristic of creative people. They do not give up so easily or so readily. They will try again and again. Each failure is viewed as a learning experience. Creative people also risk-takers. Risk is everywhere. We take risk while driving to work, while playing games and when giving an opinion. If we do not try out new ideas and take risk, how do we know it will work or not? The greatest failure is not to attempt a new idea at all. The world’s greatest inventors, discoverers and pioneers are all risk-takers. Because they have independent mind and high-confidence in themselves, they are more willing to take creative risk than the average person. They dare to differ, to make changes and to deviate from the usual.

Are the characteristics enumerated above innate or are they acquired? The answer is – both. We are born with creative characteristics and we can learn to be creative too. Creative abilities exist in varying degrees in everyone of us. It is a matter of getting these abilities to surface and make them work for you. Creativity is within every one of us. It not the exclusive possession of a select few*.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

*These characteristic are taken from Leo Ann Mean’s On Creativity: Awaken the Creative Mind (Chapter 2: Creative Person). Use and modified without permission. That’s what creative people do.

Barriers to Creativity #5: "Play is Frivolous"

Creativity, like common sense, is supposed to be common. Creativity is natural and spontaneous. Yet it is not exhibited as frequently as it should. Experts believe that there are several reasons for this. These reasons are called ‘Barriers to Creativity’. ‘Barriers’ are the thing that stop us from thinking creatively and the reason that make us not as creative as we should be.

Barrier #5: “Play is Frivolous”

            A playful attitude is fundamental to creative thinking. We generate most of our ideas when we are playing in our mental playground. That is because our defenses are down, our mental locks are opened and there is little concern with rules and regulations. Play also free us from worry which is the root cause of our mental block. Unlike reality, during play – when we win we win, and when we lose we learn. (The only cost is time). Children know play is a good way to learn. Children love to play at cooking and driving. Just watch a kid playing in the school bus or at the computer. They try everything!

            We germinate ideas during play. We toy with an idea before we come up with the real product or process. Some of the most important inventions were originally conceived during play. How to nurture your creativity? Play. Play. Play.

   

Play is fine.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Creative People are Dynamic

Unlike most people, creative people do not allow their minds to become passive, accepting, unquestioning. They manage to keep their curiosity burning, or at least to rekindle it. One aspect of this intellectual dynamism is playfulness. Like little children with building blocks, creative people love to toy with ideas, arranging them in new combinations, looking at them from different perspectives.

It was such activity that Isaac Newton was referring to when he wrote,

“I do not know what I may appear to the world; but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding… a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.”

Albert Einstein was willing to speculate further. He saw such playfulness as “the essential feature in productive thought.” But whatever the place of playfulness among the characteristics of creative people, one thing is certain: it provides those people a richer and more varied assortment of ideas than the average person enjoys.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Taken from Vincent Ryan Ruggiero’s The Art of Thinking: A Guide to Critical and Creative Thought (8^th Edition), (United States: Pearson Education, Inc., 2007) pg. 90

Story of Idea #2: Albert Einstein the Scientist had the Mind of a Child

“I am enough of the artist to draw freely upon my imagination.

Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited.

Imagination encircles the world” (Albert Einstein)

When Albert Einstein was interviewed on the source of his creative genius, he was purported to have replied, “It was because I’m mentally retarded.” Is it possible that one of the greatest geniuses who ever lived was mentally retarded?

Fortunately, Einstein explained what he meant. Einstein had the mind of a child but the brain of a scientist. Like a child, he was constantly asking probing questions which adults regarded as ‘silly’ like: “What will happen if I ride on a light beam?” Incidentally, it was this question that led to his discovery of his famous Theory of Relativity.

In essence, Einstein never grew up. He retained his childlike curiosity. That was why he considered himself “mentally retarded.” Unlike a child, however, Einstein was able to answer his own questions because he had the knowledge and creativity of a scientist.

Another quality of Einstein was that he imagined in pictures rather than using the language of words in his thinking. Every language carries with it inherent limitations that restrict thinking. For instance, the definition of the word “atom” as an indivisible part of matter restricted thinking about the structure of atoms for many years. Words have limitations. Thinking visually and escaping from our linguistic limitations enriches our imagination.

Therein lies a secret to creativity – maintain the innocent curiosity of a child and imagine in pictures more than words.

Note: Short article above is taken from Dr. Yew Kam Keong’s You Are Creative: Let Your Creativity Bloom, 3^rd Edition (Petaling Jaya: Advantage Quest Publications, 2007), Page 17.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

How-To Generate Ideas #12: Be More Like a Child

A stick + Something round + add more friends = Fun!

“The greatest invention in the world is the mind of a child” (Thomas Edison)

Curiosity is not the quality reserved for the gifted few. Virtually every child is boundlessly curious. But overtime many of us lost our childlike curiosity as we grow up. We stop searching for challenges and exploring new ideas. Thus, Jean Piaget the psychologist suggests: “If you would be more creative stay in part a child, with the creativity and invention that characterizes children before they are deformed by adult society.”

It is the child in you who is creative, not the adult. The adult in you drives to Arena Sukan sport centre and pay for the futsal court. The child in you goes barefoot and plays in the street for free. The adult lifts heavy weights in the gym. The child climbs the trees and play in the playground. The adult thinks too much and too meticulous because he have too many knowledge and set by too many boundaries, rules, assumptions and preconceptions. The child however is innocent and free and does not know what he cannot or should not do and sees the world as it actually is – not as it appears according to what we know previously or taught to believe.

Jack Foster in his book How to Get Ideas said that adult tend to do what they or other people did the last time. He continues: “To children there is no last time. Every time is the first time. And so when they go exploring for ideas they explore a land that is fresh and original, a land without rules, a land without borders or fences or walls or boundaries, a land infinite with promise and opportunity.”

To generate more ideas we need to be like child again. Let the child in you come out. Play with matches. Play the piano with your chin. Ask crazy and most honest questions. Draw pictures and colour the tree blue and the grass orange and the cloud pink. Run barefoot at Taman Rimba Recreation Park. Eat ice cream and sit by the sidewalk. Sing or whistle in the elevator. Throw rocks. Create toys. Have fun. Be like a child – and you’ll be surprise by how many new and fresh ideas you gets!

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)