This is a
chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to
Living a Good Life (2016) series. One chapter, one article. Read this
summary, buy the book. Enjoy!
“If what we value is unhelpful, if what we
consider success/failure is poorly chosen, then everything based upon those
values – the thoughts, the emotions, the day-to-day feelings – will be all out
of whack.”
(Mark Manson)
Not all problems are bad. In fact, problems are necessary for cultivating happiness.
However, this does not mean that all problems are good. Sometimes we find
ourselves confronted with bad problems, and inevitably these problems are a
result of bad values. To illustrate this point, Manson uses contrasting
anecdotes:
The first is the story of
Dave Mustaine, a guitarist who was kicked out of the band Metallica just as they were poised for their big break. Mustaine vowed
that he would start his own band and become more successful than the band who
had snubbed him. He went on to form Megadeth,
a band that sold over 25 million albums. However, even as a famous millionaire,
Mustaine still felt like a failure because Metallica
had gone on to sell over 150 million albums. By anyone else’s standards or
values, Mustaine was successful, but by his own values, he was a loser.
The second story is of
Pete Best, the drummer who was kicked out of The Beatles just as they were poised on the brink of success. Best did
not go on to become a famous musician, but he eventually considered himself to
be a great success and said that getting kicked out of The Beatles was the best thing that could have happened to him, because
it lead to him meeting his wife and starting a family. The difference between
Mustaine and Best is that Best chose better values with which to measure
failure/success.
Manson defines bad values as superstitious, socially
destructive and not immediate or
controllable. For example, Mustaine’s values were to become better than Metallica. But Mustaine could not
ultimately control which band became more popular. On the flip side, Manson
defines good values as: 1) Reality-based, 2) Socially-Constructive, and 3) Immediate
and Controllable. For example, Best probably valued spending time with his
family – something he was able to control every day of his life and which
helped his family bonds grow stronger.
Good values include things
like honesty, creativity and charity. Bad values include things like becoming
rich or being better than someone else. Choosing good values means choosing
good problems. Valuing honesty sometimes means having painful or awkward
confrontations, but these confrontations will lead to growth and healing, whereas
lies would have “spiralled into
destruction and a loss of trust.” In order to avoid bad problems, we must
take the time to define our values and determine whether they fit the criteria
to be good values.
Fill your life with good problems based on good
values,
rather than bad problems on bad values.
F**k, bad values!
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