Tuesday, February 6, 2018

The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: The Value of Suffering (Chapter 4 Summary)



This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life (2016) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

If what we value is unhelpful, if what we consider success/failure is poorly chosen, then everything based upon those values – the thoughts, the emotions, the day-to-day feelings – will be all out of whack.
(Mark Manson)

Not all problems are bad. In fact, problems are necessary for cultivating happiness. However, this does not mean that all problems are good. Sometimes we find ourselves confronted with bad problems, and inevitably these problems are a result of bad values. To illustrate this point, Manson uses contrasting anecdotes:

The first is the story of Dave Mustaine, a guitarist who was kicked out of the band Metallica just as they were poised for their big break. Mustaine vowed that he would start his own band and become more successful than the band who had snubbed him. He went on to form Megadeth, a band that sold over 25 million albums. However, even as a famous millionaire, Mustaine still felt like a failure because Metallica had gone on to sell over 150 million albums. By anyone else’s standards or values, Mustaine was successful, but by his own values, he was a loser.


The second story is of Pete Best, the drummer who was kicked out of The Beatles just as they were poised on the brink of success. Best did not go on to become a famous musician, but he eventually considered himself to be a great success and said that getting kicked out of The Beatles was the best thing that could have happened to him, because it lead to him meeting his wife and starting a family. The difference between Mustaine and Best is that Best chose better values with which to measure failure/success.

Manson defines bad values as superstitious, socially destructive and not immediate or controllable. For example, Mustaine’s values were to become better than Metallica. But Mustaine could not ultimately control which band became more popular. On the flip side, Manson defines good values as: 1) Reality-based, 2) Socially-Constructive, and 3) Immediate and Controllable. For example, Best probably valued spending time with his family – something he was able to control every day of his life and which helped his family bonds grow stronger.

Good values include things like honesty, creativity and charity. Bad values include things like becoming rich or being better than someone else. Choosing good values means choosing good problems. Valuing honesty sometimes means having painful or awkward confrontations, but these confrontations will lead to growth and healing, whereas lies would have “spiralled into destruction and a loss of trust.” In order to avoid bad problems, we must take the time to define our values and determine whether they fit the criteria to be good values.

Fill your life with good problems based on good values,
rather than bad problems on bad values.
F**k, bad values!

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