“It is the
province of knowledge to speak,
And it is the privilege of wisdom to
listen”
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)
I’m still learning this: the key to providing emotional and moral
support to people in need, is the ability to listen to what they are saying.
When others need our help, my instincts, our instinct is to rush in and provide
comfort and practical advice. But no matter how valuable the knowledge that we
wish to share, no matter how well intentioned our desire to help, our first
obligation is to provide the space and the opportunity for others to share
experiences, feelings and thoughts. We need to beware of our inclination to
think about our response while others are speaking, jump to complete their
sentences, or interject with our advice – even if it is the best advice
possible.
Learning from the
experience and advice of others is extremely important – it is one of principal
ways in which we grow as individuals and humankind. But it usually works only
if those receiving the advice feel that they have been heard. Once a student
told earnestly to me, “Thank you for
listening to me.” I didn’t give any advice, I just listened and I asked
questions. Well, if advice is needed and necessary, then give advice. But first
– listen.
In the early 1970s, Robert
Greenleaf coined the term Servant
Leadership after noticing that the great leaders throughout history spoke
and acted as servants. According to Greenleaf and other leadership scholars,
one of the core characteristics of servant leaders is that they listen first
and talk later. In fact, in become a servant leader, Greenleaf argued, a person
has to go through “a long arduous
discipline of learning to listen, a discipline sufficiently sustained that the
automatic response to any problem is to listen first.” First we need to
learn how to listen.
Don’t rush to give advice,
Listen with empathy and openness
Lord, Give
Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)
References:
1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness
by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!
2. On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy by C.R.
Rogers (Boston: Mariner Books, 1995)
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