This is a
chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to
Living a Good Life (2016) series. One chapter, one article. Read this
summary, buy the book. Enjoy!
“It turn out that merely feeling good about
yourself doesn’t really mean anything unless you have a good reason to feel
good about yourself.”
(Mark Manson)
In the 1960s, a trend
began in psychology focused on helping people develop higher self-esteem. The theory
was that people who felt good about themselves would perform better and cause
fewer problems. School, churches and companies began employing this theory. People
were bombarded with messages telling them that they were all exceptional and
capable of achieving greatness.
The huge problem is that many people take this message
and believe it – but never actually do anything to make themselves exceptional
or successful. They talk a big talk,
but do no walking to back it up. These people are entitled and delusional in
their confidence in themselves to the point of self-destructive – and often
other-destructive – narcissism. And sometimes it happens the other way round. People
who suffer traumatic experiences or huge failures or disappointments start
believing that they are special because of their pain. They brand themselves as
victim. These people are also entitled, in that they feel entitled to bad
behaviour because they have been victimized. Both of these forms of entitlement
lead people to hugely selfish behaviour and demands that the world revolve
around them and their feelings (social media is the best examples).
And it doesn’t help that
we are constantly bombarded with examples of extraordinary and exceptional on
TV and the internet. When we compare ourselves and our accomplishments to what
we see, we feel average – an average has become the new standard of failure. But the idea that everyone can be
extraordinary is simply impossible – if everyone is something, than that thing
by definition is ordinary.
Constantly striving to be
extraordinary and exceptional is very bad for mental health, and the cure is to
accept that much of what you do and who you are is ordinary and average. Manson
compares this to eating your veggies – embracing the bland truths of life in
order to grow healthier and stronger. Bottom line? By accepting that not
everything you do has to be extraordinary, you regain your appreciation for the
simple joys and beauties found throughout your life.
F*ck, Stop Thinking
that You Are Special
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