Start With Why: This Is Not Opinion, This Is Biology (Chapter 4 Summary)

This book summary series is taken from Simon Sinek’s Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action (2011). Your curiosity and knowledge are infinite, but your time is not. Read this summary – and you’ll be inspired!

“The power of WHY is not opinion, it’s biology”
(Simon Sinek)

Sinek pointed that “our need to belong is not rational, but it is a constant that exists across all people in all cultures.” It is a feeling we get when those around us share our values and beliefs. When we feel like we belong we feel connected and we feel safe. As humans we crave the feeling and we seek it out. No matter where we go, we trust those with whom we are able to perceive common values or beliefs. In the same way, we want to be around people and companies who are like us and share our beliefs. “When a company clearly communicates their WHY and we believe what they believe, then we will sometimes go to extraordinary lengths to include those products or brands in our lives.” This is not because they are better, but because markers or symbols of the values and beliefs we hold dear. Simon believes that we are drawn to leaders and organizations that are good at communicating what they believe.  

Part of communicating what leaders value and believe is in how they make decisions. When good leaders thought that a certain decision feels right, they have a hard time explaining why they did what they did. Decision-making and the ability to explain those decisions exist in different parts of the brain. This is the famous gut decision, and it happens in the limbic brain. The reason gut decisions feel right is because the limbic brain also controls our feelings. This limbic brain is smart and often knows the right thing to do. It is our inability to verbalize the reasons that may cause us to doubt ourselves or trust the empirical evidence when our gut tells us not to.

Henry Ford once said, “If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said a faster horse.” This is the genius of great leadership. Great leaders and organizations are good at seeing what most of us can’t see. They are good at giving us things we should never think of asking for. In summary, Sinek writes, “Great leaders are those who trust their guts. They are those who understand the art before science, they win hearts before minds. They are the ones who start with WHY.” Products with a clear sense of WHY give people a way to tell the outside world who they are and what they believe (think of Apple Inc. and their loyal customers). If a company does not have a clear sense of WHY then it is impossible for the outside world to perceive anything more than WHAT the company does. And when that happens, manipulations that rely on price, features, service or quality became the primary currency of differentiation.

The Power of WHY is Not Opinion, It’s Biology

Change Your Life: Say 'Yes' Only When Your Vision is Served (Don't Refrain from Saying 'No')

“A ‘no’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than

a ‘yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble”
(Mahatma Gandhi)

‘No’ is one of the shortest words in the English language, and one of the easiest to pronounce – and yet it is one of the most difficult words for so many of us to utter. We often end up saying ‘yes’ because we want to please, because we don’t want to let others down, or because we fear that their disappointment will turn to anger, which will be directed toward us. We forget, however, that sometimes saying ‘yes’ to others is tantamount to saying ‘no’ to ourselves.

To become more joyful and more productive, we have to focus our sights on the vision that God gives to us. This implies learning to say ‘no’ more often – to people as well as opportunities (even though how good they are) – which is not easy. Sometime we have to say ‘no’ to lots of good things in order to say ‘yes’ to the best ones. It means prioritizing, choosing activities that we really want to be involved in, while letting go of others.

“’No’ is a complete sentence and so often we forget that. When we don't want to do something we can simply smile and say ‘no’. We don't have to explain ourselves, we can just say ‘No’. Early on my journey I found developing the ability to say ‘no’ expanded my ability to say ‘yes’ and really mean it. My early attempts at saying ‘no’ were often far from graceful but with practice even my ‘no’ came from a place of love. Love yourself enough to be able to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’” (Susan Gregg)

“Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say ‘No’ without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish. Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say ‘Yes’ all of the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Always remember: You have a right to say ‘No’ without having to explain yourself. Be at peace with your decisions” (Stephanie Lahart)

“Say ‘no’ to everything, so you can say ‘yes’ to the one thing” (Richie Norton)

Don’t refrain from saying ‘no’

Say ‘yes’ only when your vision is served

P.s: Sometime ‘no’ is the kindest word.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Change Your Life: Listen with Empathy and Openness (Don't Rush to Give Advice)

“It is the province of knowledge to speak,

And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen”
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

I’m still learning this: the key to providing emotional and moral support to people in need, is the ability to listen to what they are saying. When others need our help, my instincts, our instinct is to rush in and provide comfort and practical advice. But no matter how valuable the knowledge that we wish to share, no matter how well intentioned our desire to help, our first obligation is to provide the space and the opportunity for others to share experiences, feelings and thoughts. We need to beware of our inclination to think about our response while others are speaking, jump to complete their sentences, or interject with our advice – even if it is the best advice possible.

Learning from the experience and advice of others is extremely important – it is one of principal ways in which we grow as individuals and humankind. But it usually works only if those receiving the advice feel that they have been heard. Once a student told earnestly to me, “Thank you for listening to me.” I didn’t give any advice, I just listened and I asked questions. Well, if advice is needed and necessary, then give advice. But first – listen.

In the early 1970s, Robert Greenleaf coined the term Servant Leadership after noticing that the great leaders throughout history spoke and acted as servants. According to Greenleaf and other leadership scholars, one of the core characteristics of servant leaders is that they listen first and talk later. In fact, in become a servant leader, Greenleaf argued, a person has to go through “a long arduous discipline of learning to listen, a discipline sufficiently sustained that the automatic response to any problem is to listen first.” First we need to learn how to listen.

Don’t rush to give advice,

Listen with empathy and openness

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy by C.R. Rogers (Boston: Mariner Books, 1995)

Change Your Life: Express and Reveal (Stop Pretending)

“Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness,

but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, or belonging, or love”

(Brene Brown)

To express myself – to openly share my thoughts and feelings – is to risk being rejected and hurt by others. But choosing not to express myself and to hide behind a façade, no matter how impressive that façade is, is a form of self-rejection that leads to unhappiness and discontent. While it is the case that if I am true to myself others may not like what they see, it is certain that if I constantly put on a show, eventually I will not like myself.

Putting on a façade is often an indicator of low self-esteem. But far from being a fix for the problem, pretending to be someone I am not has the effect, over time, of lowering my self-esteem. Moreover, even if others like what they see when I put on a show, it is not me that they like, but the person I am pretending to be. When I choose the real over the unreal, the authentic over the inauthentic – when I express rather than impress – I no longer apologize for who I am. I allow my inner light in Christ to shine.

Rather than constantly being concerned about whether my love would be appreciated, I give love first. Rather than concerning myself about how I would be perceived, I was authentic – willing to let go of who I thought (or who people thought) I should be in order to be who I am, who God made me to be. Rather than hide my vulnerabilities and imperfections, I’m willing to express and reveal them.

Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, to let go of the mask of perfection, is very hard. Vulnerability comes at a price – it can hurt a lot! But this cost is negligible compared to the cost we pay when we suppress part of our humanity. When we do not allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we are also supressing our joy and happiness and the potential to cultivate deep and meaningful connections in our life. Can you open up a little more, reveal part of your true self? Go on, be vulnerable, and be real!

Don’t always impress and conceal
Express and reveal. Stop pretending!

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. The Courage to Teach: Exploring the Inner Landscape of a Teacher’s Life, 10^th Anniversary Edition by P.J. Palmer (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2007).

Learning Never Exhausts the Mind

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Creative Mind: The Characteristics of the Creative Person

Creative thinkers combine ideas and information in ways that form new solutions, ideas, processes, or products. “The hallmark of creative people is their mental flexibility,” says creativity expert Roger von Oech. “Like race car drivers who shift in and out of different gears depending on where they are on the course, creative people are able to shift in and out of different types of thinking depending on the needs of the situation at hand.” Look at table below to see some primary characteristics of creative people. Underneath all these qualities lie a desire to learn, a drive to question, and a commitment to keep an open mind.  

CHARACTERISTIC	EXAMPLE
Willingness to take risks	Taking a difficult, high-level course
Tendency to break away from limitations	Entering a marathon race
Tendency to seek new challenges & experiences	Taking on an internship in a high-pressure workplace
Broad range of interests	Investing new moves on basketball court and playing guitar at an open-mike night
Ability to make new things out of available materials	Making curtains out of bedsheets
Tendency to question norms & assumptions	Adopting a child of different ethnic background than the family’s
Willingness to deviate from popular opinion	Working for a small, relatively unknown political party
Curiosity and inquisitiveness	Wanting to know how a computer program works

Source: Adapted from T. Z. Tardif and R. J. Sternberg, “What Do We Know About Creativity?” in The Nature of Creativity, ed. R.J. Sternberg (London: Cambridge University Press, 1988).

Try some or all of the following strategies to boost your creative abilities.

Be curious. The more information and ideas you gather as you think, the more perspective you have to build a creative idea or solution. Collect information and ideas from reading materials, people, the Internet, anywhere – and record them on smartphone or in writing. Branch out and cultivate new interests. Seek out new experiences and take in the ideas and perspectives that you encounter.

Shift your perspective. At first, a problem may look like: “The house isn’t quiet when I study.” If you take a wider look, you may discover hidden causes or effects of the problem, such as “I haven’t chosen the best time of day to study” or “I haven’t let my housemates know that I need quiet.” Question your assumptions; ask people you trust for their perspectives; read in order to discover new ways of looking at situation.

Don’t get hooked on finding the one right answer. There can be lots of “right answers” to any question. The more possibilities you generate, the better your chance of finding the best one. Also, don’t stop the process when you think you have the best answer – keep going until you are out of stream. You never know what may come up in those last gasps of creative energy.

Break the rules sometimes. All kinds of creative breakthroughs have occurred because someone questioned a rule or an assumption. Women and members of minorities can vote and hold jobs because someone questioned a rule – a law – many years ago. Even the rules of logic don’t always hold – following strict logic may cause you to miss analogies or ignore your hunches. At one time in the not-so-distant past, for example, it made no logical sense that two people could talk to one another while in different cities – and now the telephone is a fact of life (Just thinking, how logical it was for you to read my blog from you smartphone or laptop from the invisible World Wide Web in the year 1800).

Ask “what if” questions. Set up hypothetical environments in which new ideas can grow. “What if I knew I couldn’t fail?” “What if I had unlimited money or time or energy?” See what idea, however outrageous, comes from a “what if” question – and then think about how to make it happen. Don’t necessarily make it happen, but – think. Just by asking the question “what if” you can boost your creative ability.

Take risks and, when necessary, embrace failure. Even though failure is always a possibility, taking risks is the only way to make your highest goals reachable. If you insist on playing it safe, you may miss out on the path – often paved with failures – leading to the best possible solution or situation.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

References and Suggested Readings:

1. Roger von Oech, A Kick in the Seat of the Pants (1986)

2. Roger von Oech, A Whack on the Side of the Head (1998)

3. J.R. Hayes, Cognitive Psychology: Thinking and Creating (1978)