The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: You're Wrong About Everything... But So Am I (Chapter 6 Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life (2016) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“Being wrong opens us up to the possibility of change.
Being wrong brings the opportunity for growth”

(Mark Manson)

Learning is not the process of going from wrong to right: it is the process of evolving from very wrong to less wrong. This is because learning is an endless process. Rather than obsessing over finding the one right answer, Manson recommends that we visualize ourselves chipping away at the ways that we are wrong so that with each passing day, we are less wrong.

Certainty is a fallacy that prevents us from seeking new way to grow. If we are certain that no one will ever find us attractive, we prevent ourselves from seeking a romantic partner who accepts us as we are. If we are certain that a new experience will be painful, we miss out on the chance to see if it could actually become a positive, learning experience. Our minds and emotions are often faulty. Our brains and memories are imperfect and subject to a thousand forms of self-sabotage. Without constantly questioning ourselves and our beliefs, we risk becoming destructive in our zeal to prove ourselves right. Uncertainty prompts us to explore and progress towards being less wrong.

Manson’s advice is harsh: We have to kill ourselves. Not physically, but psychologically. Who we are changes every day as we process new data from our experiences. If a person is afraid to let go of their old self, they never develop a new, better self. In every situation, we must ask ourselves if we might be wrong, what it would mean if we were wrong, and what kind of problems – good or bad – might result from our wrongness.

F*ck! Acknowledge that you are often wrong,

And that learning is just the process of becoming “less wrong.”

Let Children be Children: 6 Common Creative Killers

Many parents try to be perfect, but sometimes their best intentions can backfire without them even realizing it. Based on Victoria Wilson’s book Boost Your Child’s Creativity (2010), here are 6 common habits which can stifle child’s desire and ability to be creative:

Creative Killer #1: Helping

Young children often find it frustrating when they are learning something new. They can’t quite work out how to make their tree look right, or they hold the pen the wrong way up. But it pays dividends to sit back and let them carry on with whatever they are trying to do. If you insist on showing them exactly how to draw a tree, you’re denying them the opportunity to find their own way of drawing it, and to experiment and learn things on their own. You’re also inadvertently setting them up for failure – their tree isn’t going to be as good as yours, they are not going to be able to use pen as easily as you. This can make them feel even more frustrated. Your child will only gain confidence if you give them the opportunity to prove to themselves they can do somethings without your help.

Creative Killer #2: The Wrong Toys

Most houses have them, they toys with bright colours, flashing lights, a variety of songs and perhaps some Beethoven to help them learn the alphabet. Toys like these are fun, and have their benefits, but in terms of encouraging your child to be imaginative, they are creativity killers. Children really do stretch their imaginations further if they are making up their own songs, or playing with a cardboard cut-out sword rather than a flashing light sabre.

Creative Killer #3: Deciding What is Right and Wrong

 By telling a child the ‘right’ way to paint the rainbow, or that it’s ‘wrong’ when they bang all the keys on the piano at once, you are limiting your child’s early experiments. Picasso’s cubist artwork did not fit with the aesthetic standards of conventional art at the time and modern classical music might seem out of key and harsh to most listeners. Yet art and music critics have come to applaud these expressions of creativity which fall outside the norm by conventional standards. Creativity is all about thinking outside the normal rules and dreaming up new ways of doing things. This is exactly what your child is doing when he draws the world upside down or when she colours the sea pink.

Creative Killer #4: Planning Their Time

Children definitely need routine and structure in their day, but do be wary of planning your child’s time too rigidly. Try to allow time each day for ‘unstructured play’ where your child can choose his or her own activities freely and, where possible, be a little flexible in cancelling other scheduled activities if your child is really involved in what they are doing. If your child is thoroughly absorbed, they are probably contented and learning a good deal.

Creative Killer #5: Right Answer Syndrome

Children love to do things well and win approval, but beware of cultivating a need in your child to get things ‘right.’ One of the key traits of creative people is that they are good at ‘divergent thinking’, which means they can suggest lots of different potential answers of solutions to a puzzle or question. Of course, sometimes there is only one right answer. But try to present your child with situations and tests where they can learn that sometimes there are lots of different correct answers, and that different people’s responses are all equally valid.

Creative Killer #6: Competition

There is fierce debate amongst the educationalists about whether competition is good for children. When it comes to creativity, however, studies such as those by Professor Teresa Amabile at Brandeis University suggest that competition can negatively influence creativity. Competition automatically infers that judgement is being made over the creative product, which can make the child less willing to take risks and be inventive. In addition, Amabile and many other psychologists argue that children should be encouraged to enjoy creativity simply because it is an enjoyable and fulfilling process, not as a means to win contests or rewards. Much research suggests that rewarding a child simply for doing something creative eventually lessens their interest in doing creative activities for which they are not rewarded.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Barriers to Creativity #1: "The Right Answer"

Creativity, like common sense, is supposed to be common. Creativity is natural and spontaneous. Yet it is not exhibited as frequently as it should. Experts believe that there are several reasons for this. These reasons are called ‘Barriers to Creativity’. ‘Barriers’ are the thing that stop us from thinking creatively and the reason that make us not as creative as we should be.

Barrier #1: “The Right Answer.”

Much of our education is geared towards finding the right answer. While it may be true for certain subjects such as mathematics, in many other areas there is no one right answer. There is no such things as the most successful business man, the best fried chickens or the most effective form of exercise and diet. It depends on what the criterion is or what context we are talking about. Life for example is ambiguous. There are many right answers. It depends on what we want and what we look for. The problem with us is that we think there is only one right answer, and we stop looking as soon as we think we have found one. Hence the death of creativity.

Always look for second (or third) right answer.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)