12 Rules for Life #4 Compare Yourself to Who You Were Yesterday, Not Who Someone Else Is Today (Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Jordan B. Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos (2018) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“What you aim at determines what you see.”

“We only see what we aim at. The rest of the world (and that’s most of it) is hidden.”

(Jordan Peterson)

People always have the tendency to compare themselves to other persons who seem or happen to be more successful and have a better life. Even if you see or believe that someone you know is living a better life than yours, the comparison is meaningless and unhelpful especially when you are a grown up. Besides, you never know what different problems he or she is facing or whether he or she is very happy or not, since you only see a “slice of his life.”

What’s really beneficial, is to focus on yourself, on your life and its surroundings. Seek what’s bothering you in order to change or improve it and honestly think whether or not you are able to do something about it. If it’s not something within your power, then leave it alone and focus on something else with lower demands. Moreover, you can’t always change your life for the better in just a couple of days. Some things require some time and effort. Take one step every time and live by the thought that you are in a better condition/shape than yesterday and that you’ll eventually reach higher and higher – better and better – at least much better than you were yesterday!

Don’t Compare (with Others) but Compare (with Yourself Yesterday).

12 Rules for Life #0 Introduction: The Important of Personal Change (Summary)

This is a chapter-by-chapter summary of a book by Jordan B. Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos (2018) series. One chapter, one article. Read this summary, buy the book. Enjoy!

“If you fulfill your obligations everyday you don’t need to worry about the future.”

(Jordan Peterson)

According to Jordan Peterson, society's present ill(ness) can be cured by firstly healing the individuals that it's made of. "Clean your room," is Peterson's famous advice. In fact, if someone can't even manage to deal with a simple everyday task in his life, then how is he supposed to dictate to others to fix the whole society? Personal change may seem difficult for some people to apply but it's surely possible.

Changing yourself will lead you to become and feel better than you were yesterday. You may think that these 12 Rules will not really have an impact on your life but according to the author: "Small changes can have disproportionately large positive results." Moving towards goodness will constantly increase the value of your life and "find its way out of dead ends and take it out of hell in a much shorter time than you could expect." Life is hard. For some people, it might be tragic, full of suffering and malice. But although we can't fix everything in the world, we can fix things that are within our power to do so and this is more than enough to make us live a much better life.

You Can Change… Start Small

Change Your Life: [Pursue Your [Passion] will Move Men Beyond Themselves]

Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple, sold something more than computers and gadgets. He sold emotion and passion. When he first presented the iPad to the world, he repeatedly said, “It’s just so amazing to hold.” There was obviously a genuine love for the product, a real passion for what his company had created.

Once, Jobs was fired from the company he started, and he considered leaving Silicon Valley forever. However, he realized that, though he had been rejected, he still loved what he did, and he started over – this time with NeXT and Pixar, with the latter becoming a tremendous success.

Even if we have no aspiration to become the next high-tech megastar, we can all learn from the way Steve Jobs lived his life. In 2005, when he delivered the commencement speech at Stanford University, he shared some invaluable advice with the young graduates: “You time is limited, so don’t spend it living someone else’s life… have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.”

Pursuing your passions may or may not lead to material or public success; however, regardless of external success, life is short, and finding small ways to express your inner, authentic voice at work, at home, or with your friends is perhaps the most important thing you can do for yourself and the world.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Change Your Life: Love and Respect Those Close to You

Watch Fast & Furious movies sometime, they value family together (minus guns and explosions)

“Respect is love in plain clothes”
(Frankie Byrne)

Often we save our best behaviour for strangers. We tend to take greater liberties (I mean taking for granted) with those who are closest to us – those who care about us most and about whom we care – than we do with total strangers. We may say painful and hurtful things to family members; we may act hostile to our partner or best friend. Although we may feel intimate and shared long history with them (no worthwhile relationship is going to be free from hurt and pain), there is no excuse for us to show hostility, insults or contempt.  

When I was a child, I often think that my parents are perfect. The same thing happens when I fall in love. But at some point, reality set in, and I discovered that my parents – including those that I loved – is human, just like everyone on earth! And then, whether it’s because of the disappointment or because we know their shortcomings so intimately – we attack them more than we do other people. This is not right! I learned that instead of focusing on my parents’ imperfections and weaknesses, I need to focus on those traits that I admire and appreciate in them, and treat them with love and respect.

I propose a slightly modified version of Golden Rule, namely: Do not do unto those close to you what you would not have done unto others (who are not close to you). We can get angry and upset, we can be disappointed and hurt, but if we want our relationships to flourish over time, we must treat those we love with at least as much respect as we do those we have just met.

Don’t simply insults and disrespect those close to you,

Learn to love and respect those whom you care the most.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Change Your Life: Do Something - Help and Contribute

“You can always, always give something, even if it is only kindness”

(Anne Frank)

With ever-increasing demands on our time, energy, and resources, many of us feel that we are doing all we can just to meet our obligations. As a result, we often let pass the opportunities that we have to help other people. Crucially, it’s not only those in need who pay the price of our indifference. We, too, lose out by not helping others.

Psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky conducted an experiment in which she asked people to carry out, in the course of one day, five kind acts that they would not normally do. These actions do not have to be grand and dramatic. An act of kindness can be baking cookies for your neighbour, or donating money or time to a cause you believe in, or helping a friend think through a dilemma, or giving blood, or even simply opening a door for a stranger. What Lyubomirsky found was that whether large or small, these acts of kindness contributed significantly to the well-being of those who gave, not just while they were performing these acts, not just for one day, but for the entire week.

[Taken from Choose the Live You Want (2012) by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD]

Don’t remain indifferent,

Do something – help and contribute.

THINK BIG. START SMALL. GO DEEP.

Change Your Life: No Success without Risk and Failure

“If you want to increase your success rate,

double your failure rate”
(Thomas Watson)

When we hear about extremely successful people, we mostly hear about their great accomplishments – not about the many mistakes they made and the failures they experienced along the way. In fact, most successful people throughout history are also those who have had the most failures. That is no coincidence. People who achieve great feats, no matter in what field, understand that failure is not a stumbling block but a stepping-stone on the road to success. These is no success without risk and failure. We often fail to see this truth because the outcome is more visible than the process – we see the final success and not the many failures that led to it.

When I acknowledge that fulfilling my God-given potential must involve some failure, I no longer run away from risks and challenges. The choice is a simple one: Learn to fail, or fail to learn.

Thomas Edison had 1,093 patents registered to his name – more than any other person in history! And while he most certainly deserves a place of honour in the science hall of fame, he also deserves honorary membership in the “failure hall of fame” for the tens of thousands of experiments he conducted that failed. Edison himself, however, did not see these experiments as failures. When he was working on one of his inventions, a storage battery, someone pointed out to him that he had failed ten thousand times. “I have not failed,” responded Edison, “I’ve just found ten thousand ways that won’t work.” Recognizing the real path to his accomplishments, Edison remarked, “I failed my way to success.”

Don’t avoid making mistakes by not trying,

Learn from failure.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Change Your Life: Choose Deliberately - No Autopilot Please!

“We need to make our currently unconscious thoughts, actions and feelings conscious. We need to deliberately (and repeatedly) make new choices—choosing to act, think, and feel in ways consistent with the new reality we’re committed to creating”
(Brian Johnson)

We spend much of our time “flying on autopilot,” reacting unthinkingly in the same way we always have in the past to whatever it is that life throws at us. We may get angry when someone says something we strongly disagree with; we may withdraw affection when we are criticised; we may give up when a challenge seem daunting. In the moment, these reactions may feel inevitable, but they are not.

When I go through life reacting to everything in the same way I always have before, I deny myself the possibility of much more positive experiences. Instead, I need to step back and think about how I want to respond to a situation. I need to take control and act consciously and deliberately, thus creating a better experience of myself and for those around me.

Don’t fly thought life on autopilot,

Choose deliberately.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1) Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!)

2) The Feeling Good Handbook by D.D. Burns (New York: Plume, 1999)

Change Your Life: Be a Lifelong Learner

“I'm a constant learner. You need to be a constant student

because things change and you have to change and grow.

And I emphasize the word 'grow’”

(Zig Ziglar)

To know is to arrive; to ask questions is to embark on a quest. People whose lives are characterized by a question mark (?) rather than a period (!), who look for learning opportunities everywhere they go, are generally joyful, are more creative, enjoy better relationships, and attain higher levels of satisfaction in life.

To be a lifelong learner is both fun and functional, and all we need to travel along that path is a humble heart and a curious mind. Every person we meet – a student or a teacher, a friend or a stranger – can teach us something; each experience holds within it an important lesson; in every moment is a message waiting to be discovered. When we embrace the spirit of inquiry and curiosity, we embrace life. How wonderful it is that this life is an inexhaustible source of wonders. How exciting to learn that the excitement of learning can last a lifetime. Even young Jesus “listening to [the Jewish teachers] and asking questions” and they in return “we amazed at his intelligent answers” (Luke 2:46-47).

Don’t be in ignorance,

Open your mind and heart to learning.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Change Your Life: Perceive Hardship as Temporary

“Whatever comes, this too shall pass away.”
(Ella Wheeler Wilcox)

Our life is not free from sorrow and suffering. Even the happiest person in the world experiences sadness, disappointment, anger, and frustration. The difference between happy and unhappy people is not whether they experience painful emotions – everyone does – but how they approach these emotions and how they interpret their experiences.

People who are unhappy tend to believe that painful emotions are here to stay – which, of course, they are more likely to if this is their expectation. By contrast, happy people know that painful emotions – like all emotions – are temporary, and this expectation tends to liberate them from their unpleasant experience.

When we choose to perceive painful experiences as they truly are – as temporary and fleeting – then we allow them to take their natural course. Just as these emotions arrived naturally, so they will naturally depart.  

Don’t perceive hardship as permanent,

Perceive hardship as temporary.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 Reference: Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!)

Change Your Life: Focus on Strengths and Abilities

“It’s abilities, not disabilities that count”
(Peter Drucker)

Individuals who invest in their strengths are happier and more successful. This does not mean that we should ignore our weaknesses but, rather, that our primary focus ought to be that which we are naturally good at. In the words of leadership expert Peter Drucker, “Only when you operate from strengths, can you achieve true excellence.”

The kind of questions that I have to ask myself if I am to discover my strengths are: What are my strengths? What am I naturally good at? Where do my talents reside? What are my unique abilities? These questions are significant for choosing general life goals (being a writer, becoming a teacher, and so on) as well as for choosing to apply my strengths in the immediate future (prepare a sermon for my students, hone my creative skills, plan a vacation, and so on).

Again, it’s true that we should not ignore our weaknesses – we need to learn to write, do basic arithmetic, and acquire some skills at work just to get by in the world; at the same time we must not ignore our strengths – and invest most of our efforts cultivating our talents and abilities. We need to invest in our weaknesses so that we can survive in the world; we need to invest in our strengths so that we can thrive.

Take some time to think about your strengths, those things that you are good at, those areas where your talents reside. Once you identify your strengths, find ways to use them more often in your daily life. 

Don’t dwell on weaknesses and deficiencies

Focus on strengths and abilities.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. Now, Discover Your Strengths by D.O. Clifton and M. Buckingham (New York: Free Press, 2001)

Change Your Life: Be Hopeful and Optimistic

a movie

Tal Ben-Shahar in his book Choose the Life You Want writes that until 1954, running the mile under four minutes was considered a physical impossibility. Doctors and scientists all agreed that the four-minute mark represented the physiological limit of human ability. The best runners in the world confirmed the experts’ view by closing in on the four-minute mile but never bettering it. Runners spoke of the “brick wall,” an impenetrable barrier that existed at the four-minute mark.

Despite the prevailing conventional wisdom, Roger Bannister, a medical student at Oxford University, believed that he could run a mile in under four minutes. He was dismissed by other athletes and the scientific community as detached, unrealistic. On May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister broke the world record for the mile, running the distance in three minutes and fifty-nine seconds. The impossible had become reality! But there is more: only six weeks after Bannister’s achievement, John Landy, an Australian runner, ran the mile in three minutes and fifty-eight seconds. A year later, three runners broke the four-minute barrier in a single race. Since 1954, the four-minute mile has been surpassed thousands of times. The impenetrable barrier, it turned out, was a product of the mind – and it was broken by the mind.

The lesson to be learned from this story is that our beliefs – whether we are optimistic (I can!) or pessimistic (I can’t…) – play a significant role in creating our reality. This does not mean that we can throw reality out the window and that everything that we hope and wish for will come true, but it does imply that being hopeful and optimistic about life and believe in one selves can make it happen. George Bernard Shaw once says, “You see things; and you say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were; and I say, ‘Why not?’” Where do your beliefs limit you? What barriers can you overcome on your way to fulfilling your dreams?

Don’t be a pessimist,

Be hopeful and optimistic.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Change Your Life: Life is Short... Move On

“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow,

It only saps today of its joy” (Leo Buscaglia)

Worry can serve an important purpose: If we worry about something today, we can take action to avert trouble in the future. Most of the time, however, we worry about what is beyond our control, or about things that are trivial and unimportant. Whenever I worry, I remind myself to step back and ask myself whether my worry serves a purpose. If it does, then I should take action! If, however, it does not, then I need to label my preoccupation as unnecessary worry, and move on to other more useful pursuits.

Although it may be difficult initially to shift my focus away from worry, I know that over time I will gain better control over what preoccupies me and learn to move on when I engage in futile concern. Life is short. The question for all of us, young and old, is how long it is going to take us to realize this. Whether we like it or not, the clock is ticking and our time here on earth is limited. Much in the world is worth doing and worth contemplating; it would be such a shame to waste time and effort on futile concerns. Make the most of the time you have!

Don’t worry,

Life is short… Move on.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. Existantial Physhotherapy by I.D. Yalom (New York: Basic Books, 1980) P.s.: I don’t agreed in existentialist thinking.

Change Your Life: Accept Reality and Act on It

“Face reality as it is, not as it was or as you wish it to be”
(Jack Welch)

While we can change certain things, other things are out of our control. And if something is really out of our control, we have to learn to accept it regardless of how much we wish it were different. We may not like the law of gravity and may hope it did not exist (so we can fly!), and yet most of us accept it and learn to live with it. If we refuse to accept the reality of this law, we will not survive for long, and even if we do, we will experience constant frustration. The same applies to every fact of reality, such as the fact that it is impossible to literally go back in time and undo something that was done, or the fact that all of us have some real physical limitations.

Instead of evading reality and spending our life engaged in wishful thinking, we ought to spend our time and effort on real thinking. “You cannot tailor-make the situations in life,” said Zig Ziglar, “but you can tailor-make the attitudes to fit those situations.” See things as it really are, but then don’t let those that are beyond our control paralyzed us. Facts and our limitations may seem impossible to change – accept reality - but we have the choice of how we are to react about it (attitude) and act on it (positive actions).

Don’t refuse to accept reality,

Accept reality and act on it.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 Reference: Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

Change Your Life: Say 'Yes' Only When Your Vision is Served (Don't Refrain from Saying 'No')

“A ‘no’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than

a ‘yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble”
(Mahatma Gandhi)

‘No’ is one of the shortest words in the English language, and one of the easiest to pronounce – and yet it is one of the most difficult words for so many of us to utter. We often end up saying ‘yes’ because we want to please, because we don’t want to let others down, or because we fear that their disappointment will turn to anger, which will be directed toward us. We forget, however, that sometimes saying ‘yes’ to others is tantamount to saying ‘no’ to ourselves.

To become more joyful and more productive, we have to focus our sights on the vision that God gives to us. This implies learning to say ‘no’ more often – to people as well as opportunities (even though how good they are) – which is not easy. Sometime we have to say ‘no’ to lots of good things in order to say ‘yes’ to the best ones. It means prioritizing, choosing activities that we really want to be involved in, while letting go of others.

“’No’ is a complete sentence and so often we forget that. When we don't want to do something we can simply smile and say ‘no’. We don't have to explain ourselves, we can just say ‘No’. Early on my journey I found developing the ability to say ‘no’ expanded my ability to say ‘yes’ and really mean it. My early attempts at saying ‘no’ were often far from graceful but with practice even my ‘no’ came from a place of love. Love yourself enough to be able to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’” (Susan Gregg)

“Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say ‘No’ without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish. Anybody who gets upset and/or expects you to say ‘Yes’ all of the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Always remember: You have a right to say ‘No’ without having to explain yourself. Be at peace with your decisions” (Stephanie Lahart)

“Say ‘no’ to everything, so you can say ‘yes’ to the one thing” (Richie Norton)

Don’t refrain from saying ‘no’

Say ‘yes’ only when your vision is served

P.s: Sometime ‘no’ is the kindest word.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

Change Your Life: Listen with Empathy and Openness (Don't Rush to Give Advice)

“It is the province of knowledge to speak,

And it is the privilege of wisdom to listen”
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

I’m still learning this: the key to providing emotional and moral support to people in need, is the ability to listen to what they are saying. When others need our help, my instincts, our instinct is to rush in and provide comfort and practical advice. But no matter how valuable the knowledge that we wish to share, no matter how well intentioned our desire to help, our first obligation is to provide the space and the opportunity for others to share experiences, feelings and thoughts. We need to beware of our inclination to think about our response while others are speaking, jump to complete their sentences, or interject with our advice – even if it is the best advice possible.

Learning from the experience and advice of others is extremely important – it is one of principal ways in which we grow as individuals and humankind. But it usually works only if those receiving the advice feel that they have been heard. Once a student told earnestly to me, “Thank you for listening to me.” I didn’t give any advice, I just listened and I asked questions. Well, if advice is needed and necessary, then give advice. But first – listen.

In the early 1970s, Robert Greenleaf coined the term Servant Leadership after noticing that the great leaders throughout history spoke and acted as servants. According to Greenleaf and other leadership scholars, one of the core characteristics of servant leaders is that they listen first and talk later. In fact, in become a servant leader, Greenleaf argued, a person has to go through “a long arduous discipline of learning to listen, a discipline sufficiently sustained that the automatic response to any problem is to listen first.” First we need to learn how to listen.

Don’t rush to give advice,

Listen with empathy and openness

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. On Becoming a Person: A Therapist’s View of Psychotherapy by C.R. Rogers (Boston: Mariner Books, 1995)

Change Your Life: Don't Rush, Savour Life

“The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand;

the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone”

(George Eliot)

The guiding axiom of modern life is that more is better. But we pay a heavy price for placing quantity above quality. Activities, no matter how potentially enjoyable they are, bring us no pleasure if we are constantly on the run, racing from one thing to the next. Even the most delicious food in the world can give me no enjoyment if I devour it as fast as I can. To be a good wine drinker, for example, I cannot sip the entire glass in one gulp; to fully enjoy the richness of the drink, I smell, I taste, I savour, I take my time. To become good at life, to enjoy the richness that life has to offer, I sometimes need to slow down, to take my time.

The first step to truly see the potential of my vocations and ministries, the richness in the world and the beauty in our life, to love and appreciate people around me, is to – slow down. Can you slow down just a little and, rather than rush through life, savour its treasures and gifts? (Life is hard you know, don’t make it harder. Speeding is not necessary winning. Slow down).

Don’t rush through life,
Savour life

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. In Praise of Slowness: Challenging the Cult of Speed by C. Honore (San Francisco: HarperOne, 2005)

Change Your Life: Seek the Win-Win

In his book The 7 Habits, Stephen R. Covey puts #4: Think Win-Win

“There’s plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. An Abundance Mentality involves sharing prestige, recognition, profits, and decision making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity”

(Stephen R. Covey).

In most dispute – whether a minor argument or a major relational conflict – it is possible to find a solution that benefits both sides. When I set out to fight and defeat my opponent, I end up expending a great deal of energy and resources on destroying rather than on creating maximum value. Moreover, entering a dispute with a win-lose approach often leads to a similar approach being adopted by the other party. As a result, both of us may end up losing.

When I show goodwill and a desire to help, I invite similar behaviour from the other. When we put our joint resources, our mind and heart, to the task of increasing the benefits to the individual and the group, we stand a better chance of success – for all who are involved. The pleasure of winning when the other side loses is short-lived; the joy of a win-win outcome lasts a great deal longer, and often creates the basis for yet another round of positive experiences.

The next time you (and I have to remind myself very strongly because I’m naturally a very competitive person) interact with someone, whether the context is a cooperative or a ministerial or a competitive one, think about how you can both benefit, how you can both win.

Don’t focus on defeating the other

Seek the win-win

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey (New York: Free Press, 2004)

Change Your Life: Express and Reveal (Stop Pretending)

“Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness,

but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, or belonging, or love”

(Brene Brown)

To express myself – to openly share my thoughts and feelings – is to risk being rejected and hurt by others. But choosing not to express myself and to hide behind a façade, no matter how impressive that façade is, is a form of self-rejection that leads to unhappiness and discontent. While it is the case that if I am true to myself others may not like what they see, it is certain that if I constantly put on a show, eventually I will not like myself.

Putting on a façade is often an indicator of low self-esteem. But far from being a fix for the problem, pretending to be someone I am not has the effect, over time, of lowering my self-esteem. Moreover, even if others like what they see when I put on a show, it is not me that they like, but the person I am pretending to be. When I choose the real over the unreal, the authentic over the inauthentic – when I express rather than impress – I no longer apologize for who I am. I allow my inner light in Christ to shine.

Rather than constantly being concerned about whether my love would be appreciated, I give love first. Rather than concerning myself about how I would be perceived, I was authentic – willing to let go of who I thought (or who people thought) I should be in order to be who I am, who God made me to be. Rather than hide my vulnerabilities and imperfections, I’m willing to express and reveal them.

Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, to let go of the mask of perfection, is very hard. Vulnerability comes at a price – it can hurt a lot! But this cost is negligible compared to the cost we pay when we suppress part of our humanity. When we do not allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we are also supressing our joy and happiness and the potential to cultivate deep and meaningful connections in our life. Can you open up a little more, reveal part of your true self? Go on, be vulnerable, and be real!

Don’t always impress and conceal
Express and reveal. Stop pretending!

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. The Courage to Teach: Exploring the Inner Landscape of a Teacher’s Life, 10^th Anniversary Edition by P.J. Palmer (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2007).

Change Your Life: Actively Learn the Lessons of Hardship

“Never let a good crisis go to waste”

(Anne Harbison)

Although I do not wish hardship on myself, hardship often finds me, and when it does, I have a choice. I can treat it as a purely negative experience – one that I should put behind me as soon as possible and never think of again – or I can actively seek to identify and understand the lesson that every hardship contains within it.

For example, through hardship I can learn about humbleness (gaining a better understanding of my limitations), empathy (learning to connect to the pain of others), patience (absorbing the lesson that things do not always turn out as we planned), and resilience (gaining confidence from my ability to bounce back after the hardship is overcome). I most certainly do not have to be happy about everything negative happens to me, I can use it as a tool for development and growth. Things do not necessarily happen for the best, but I can choose to make the best things that happen.

Find the lessons in difficulties that you are facing right now. Look back and learn from hardships that you’ve experienced in the past; you will not only derive important lessons from reflecting on these challenges, you will also realize how much you have grown as a result. And how God works in and through you all this while.

Don’t avoid learning from hardship,

Actively learn the lessons of hardship.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. The Handbook of Posttraumatic Growth: Research and Practice by L.G. Calhoun and R.G. Tedeschi (Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 2006)

Change Your Life: Appreciate and Learn from Those Around You

“Appreciation is to humans what the sun is for plants”

(Frank Iversen)

There are certain people – ones we know intimately and others we meet for the first time – who, for one reason or another, irritate us. It could be the way they act or talk, the way they look or walk. And while there is no need to always change our perspective about those people – leaving the scene or minimizing the time we spend with them could be the right thing to do – we lose many opportunities when we mindlessly succumb to the dictates of our unpleasant reactions.

Reflecting on the source of our dislike toward another person can reveal something about ourselves, because we often get annoyed by precisely those things we dislike in ourselves. Learning to appreciate things about the person who vexes us can help us cultivate the benefit-finder within, as well as develop deeper compassion – both of which will contribute to our relationships with others and with ourselves. What can you learn from others now?

Don’t allow others to upset you,

Appreciate and learn from those around you.

Lord, Give Us Today Our Daily Idea(s)

 References:

1. Choose the Life You Want: 101 Ways to Create You Own Road to Happiness by Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD (New York: The Experiment, 2012) Buy this book!

2. An Open Heart: Practicing Compassion in Everyday Life by Dalai Lama (New York: Back Bay Books, 2002).